The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 63

Madeleine Albright

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM May 11, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Madeleine Albright
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the former Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright!

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  • Are we going to be in another cold war?

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Democrats taking back Congress to tonight's guest, Madeleine Albright.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by finishing his helium balloon, which has a funny effect on his voice. Stephen then gets into the news about NBC airing the last episode of its hit drama series The West Wing. Stephen says that since President Bartlett is the TV president, we owe him our TV loyalty. Stephen brings up the issue of presidential pardons. He wants President Bartlett to issue a pardon to The A-Team.

    Moving on, Stephen turns his attention to President Putin of Russia. In a recent speech, President Putin had a few choice words for the United States. Vice President Cheney recently voiced his concerns about Russia's questionable democracy. Stephen thinks we're on the brink of a second cold war. President Putin is concerned about the low population boom in his country so he's offering cash grants to mothers upon birth of a second child, extended maternity leave benefits, and a graduated scale of cash and daycare subsidies. Stephen thinks Putin is growing an army. This is where Stephen comes in... he's announcing a limited edition, spring batch of Stephen Colbert's Formula 401, available only on the Russian market.

    Stephen then moves on to the big energy crisis. The solution to the energy crisis is in tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Fill 'Er Up." Stephen's energy crisis isn't the one in the news, but rather the problem with the Republican machine. It's out of gas, and the Democrats are in the lead according to most polls. He encourages Republicans to stop running away from the president and energize the base.

    Back from commercial break, Stephen introduces this week's edition of "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger." A wag of the finger goes to Huntsville High School in Alabama, where school officials suspended students who paid a homeless man to walk the halls with no pants on. A wag of the finger goes to the U.S. Mint, which announced pennies cost more than a penny to make. Stephen would rather get rid of all coins and return to a gold-based economy. Next, a wag of the finger goes to Jesus. He seems to have appeared in a rock in Mexico. Stephen's upset about the lack of detail in his portrait. Stephen then thinks Jesus may be testing his faith, so he gives him a tip of the hat.

    Back from another commercial break, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Madeleine Albright. They have a good discussion on matters of religion, foreign policy, and even her origins and why she couldn't be president.

    Tonight's show had several little segments, with my favorite being Stephen's announcement about the limited supply of Stephen Colbert's Formula 401. The interview with Madeleine Albright was a little longer than normal, but I think it warranted it. She's an important figure and certainly has a valued viewpoint on many issues.moreless
  • Wits end

    Stephen performs a clever trick on his show. Sometimes a bit too clever. He shows us the stupidity of arguments by taking them to the extreme. This trick can be hard to follow - even he can get confused and stall for a moment. And when his guest is not too bright, Stephen can end up convincing us of some horrible redneck idea.

    But when he meets a guest like Madeleine Albright, who is just as clever and who understands the trick, it works. His interview with her was breathtaking. It reminded me of the time when intelligent people governed America.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, are Democrats poised to take Congress in 2006? The jokes on them. By November, there won't be a Congress.

    • Stephen: The answer is tonight's Word: Fill 'Er Up. With regular. Now as far as cars go we should fill up on fossil fuels, no one debates that. (Except drowning polar bears) But there's another greater energy crisis, one that's threatening Congress this election year. I'm talking about the Republican juggernaut, it's out of gas. (But still backfiring) Just look at the numbers. Democrats lead in all the polls by at least 10 points, except one, Fox News. That is with a margin of error +/- the facts. We've enjoyed GOP dominance in the House for a solid 12 years thinking it would never end. (Like Iraq War) But now low Presidential approval ratings and Congressional scandals have threatened the status quo. (The most important quo) This is a crisis nation. Need I remind you: If the Democrats take control of Congress, Democrats will be in control of Congress!

      I used to think a Democratic Congress was a myth, like global warming, (or WMD's) but thankfully folks, Republicans have finally woken up. (Naked next to Jack Abramoff) Unfortunately too many of them are responding the crisis by refilling their campaign tanks with alternative fuels. (Going yellow) Choosing untested and undeveloped sources of support like running away from the President, or turning on the Secretary of Defense. (And being indicted) And they're even talking about hybrids, (The Island of Dr. McCain) part Republican, part Democrat: Bi-partisanship. (The Congressional reach around) Moderates and centrists: centrists have never gotten us anything. (Except legislation)

      The truth is this party still runs on moral values. (And the occasional hooker) So stick to the fuels that energize the base. Republican Congress leaders know what I'm talking about. According to the Boston Globe quote: "…all but abandoned efforts to pass major policy initiatives this year and are instead focusing their energies on a series of conservative favorites…like constitutional amendments banning flag burning and gay marriage." Sure, these bills have no chance of passing, (Passing on right is dangerous) but that doesn't matter. We don't need to pass the amendments; we need to pass the Congressmen. (…off as effective) Think about it. When you fill up your car, you're not trying to get the gas from place to place, it's the car you want to get from place to place. The gas, who cares, it burns. (While Congress fiddles) So Congress, when it comes to political fuel, stick with the regular. Or you could always base this November's campaign on the past two years accomplishments. (Running on empty)

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen (After breathing in helium from a party balloon): This is The Colbert Report!

  • NOTES (0)


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