The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 104

Michael Jacobson

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Aug 13, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Michael Jacobson
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the co-founder of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, Michael Jacobson.
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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: White Guy. Now it's common knowledge that I don't see race, but what you might not know is that I also don't see gender. I know someone's a woman when I am overwhelmed by sexual attraction. That's how I finally pinned down Keanu Reeves. Great actress by the way. (Stephen doesn't see acting, either) Now, despite by blind spots, I understand that the possibility of a black or female President is generating excitement among donors. (White House may get groove back) My problem with what Mrs. Edwards said is she's talking like a victim. Even if Obama's race and Hillary's gender are helping to raise funds this year, there's really only one question for the Edwards campaign: (If it falls in a forest, will anyone hear it?) How should John Edwards respond. Simple. John Edwards should declare himself a black woman. (Republican candidates already declared themselves Reagan) Now folks, is John Edwards really a black woman? It doesn't matter. These days a unilateral declaration of reality will seem very Presidential. (If accompanied by signing statement) Plus, I think Edwards makes a lot of sense as a black woman. To begin with, sticking up for the poor? Pretty girly. (FDR+LBJ=BFF!!!) And who spends $400 on their hair? Girls! (And Stephen) Also John Edwards is 5'11", you know who else is 5'11"? Former NBA basketball player John Lucas of the Houston Rockets. And guess what else? He's black. Plus John Edwards is with a white woman, I hear that's very popular with black guys. There have been endless debates on whether Obama is truly black, well I say let's start one on whether John Edwards is. (Hint: No) Think about it Senator, there is no down side. Unless America isn't ready for a black, female President. Of course, if that happens, you've got a great fallback. You're a white guy, (White guy) and they usually get elected.

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen Colbert: My guest tonight is a nutrition expert who knows the calorie content of everything. What a delightful dinner guest he must be.

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