The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 123

Michael Lewis

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 02, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Michael Lewis
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Tonight Stephen welcomes Michael Lewis, author of The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game.
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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Copycat. It's no surprise that scientists are up in arms over the current political climate, in recent years President Bush has checked some of the rampant rationality of science by appointing conservative leaders to important posts. Like NASA, where scientists were told that global warming is not a topic for discussion and they should emphasize that the Big Bang is just a theory. (More bucks for no bang) Now these brainiacs have responded by forming their own political action group, Scientists & Engineers for America. And what's their mission statement? They're quote: "Dedicated to electing public officials who respect evidence and understand the importance of using scientific and engineering advice in making public policy." Now that sounds familiar. T's because the Christian Coalition website says that is quote: "…offers people of faith the vehicle to be actively involved in shaping their government…to change policy…" Well look at that, (And turn to salt) for years the scientific community has put itself above the common man with their advanced degrees, their Nobel prizes and their time traveling De Loreans. (Stephen thinks it's a documentary) And they've always been particularly smug when it comes to people of faith, but now they're copying the religious right's tactics.

        Well maybe there's not such a big difference between science and faith after all. I believe in an old man with a beard, (ZZ Top?) they believe in an 11 dimensional multiverse made up of tiny vibrating strings. (Basically, a Rush concert) So I gotta ask, who's crazy now? (Since you asked, Pat Robertson) Well I've got news for you science, now that you're on the same playing field as faith, you have to play by the same rules. (None?) This country has a separation of church and state, (In theory) well I say we implement a separation of science and state. (Already separated fact from policy) Science is already too involved in government. We don't need the National Institute of Health, we don't need Health and Human Services and for God's sake who needs the Centers for Disease Control. (Anyone who ate spinach since July) Of course, ultimately, we're gonna need to make it illegal to teach science in our public schools. I don't want my kids forced to practice someone else's beliefs. (Already forced to practice Stephen's) So go ahead scientists and engineers, you push your candidates, you gather your precious evidence, you go to the polls and you vote, but be aware, there are times when the rest of us know how to use computers. (Diebold machines)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

      • Threatdown:

        5: Saudi Arabia (Fence on Iraqi border to block terrorists)
        4: Michigan P*ssies (High school football team cancels season)
        3: Wu Tang Clan
        2: Animal Activists
        1: Bears (Teddy bear stuck in drainpipe kills fish)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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