The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 75

Michael Pollan

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 15, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.9
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Michael Pollan
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Tonight Stephen welcomes Michael Pollans, author of The Omnivore's Dilemma.

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    • TRIVIA (2)

      • For the first time in several months, Stephen acknowledges the existence of California's 50th District. The 50th was 'Dead to [Stephen]', and later 'Never Even Existed to [Stephen]' as a result of not supporting corrupt congressman Randy 'Duke' Cunningham, and the fallout afterwards. However, it seems to have redeemed itself (at least to being 'On Notice') upon electing former lobbyist Brian Bilbray in a special election to replace Cunningham.

      • The Word: Lock & Load

    • QUOTES (1)

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Lock & Load. You see, Democrats are like werewolves, (But neutered and declawed) and it takes a silver bullet like this to kill them. That's why this year the Republicans have to make every issue about immigration. (Stephen's been golfing with Lou Dobbs) First issue to make about immigration is of course, immigration. That should be a fairly easy game. (Pin the tail on the scapegoat) So, let's just move on to issue number two: National security. Clearly an illegal immigration issue. (Keeping homeland from being illegally mowed) Now sure, none of the 9/11 hijackers entered illegally, but the guy replacing Zarqawi is Sheikh Abdul Hamza, whose nickname is al-Muhajer, which means literally "the immigrant." If we relax border controls suddenly Al Qaeda will be soaking up our health care and attending our public schools. (Doing the jihads Americans won't do) And candidates, please Republican candidates, don't forget about the weather. Hurricane season has arrived, and what a surprise, the first storm is Latino. This week Alberto slammed the Gulf Coast. If we're not careful these Hispanicanes will do their hat dance across our southern coastlines and take billions in damage away from blue blooded American storms. (Learn to devastate in English!) Worse, Alberto has already been downgraded to a tropical depression. (Que triste!) It's just more proof that once immigrants make it across the border they get lazy, and lose 10 to 15 miles per hour of wind speed. (Cloudy with a chance of siesta) So how does this raise G.O.P. hopes? (#1 Hope: distraction) Well they can run on a platform of building a good old fashioned fence across the Gulf of Mexico. (Or wall of oil rigs) Folks it's the only way to stop these storm-breros from destroying the American way of having things destroyed. (Good old fashioned neglect) So, GOP, fire that anti-immigration silver bullet. The worse that could happen is you lose a few Hispanic votes. (46 million by 2015)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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