The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 44

Michael Smerconish

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 03, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Michael Smerconish
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of "Muzzled: From T-Ball to Terrorism - True Stories That Should Be Fiction", Michael Smerconish!

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

    • Colbert's Nutz beer also appeared during an episode of The Daily Show a few years ago. Colbert was again reporting on taxes, when he mentioned that when he does his taxes, he likes to quench his thirst with a Nut-brand hazelnut soda. Jon then mentions that he enjoys the pistachio version (the same version Colbert drinks during this episode). They then take a sip of their Nutz, Colbert licking his lips.

    • The Word: Stay the Course

  • QUOTES (6)

    • Stephen Colbert (about paying taxes): Like many Americans, I face a patriotic dilemma, how much cheating can I get away with?

    • Stephen Colbert: It's baseball's opening day, and any rebroadcast or reproduction of this telecast without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited. This is The Colbert Report!

    • Stephen Colbert (about his interview with Michael Smerconish): We'll swap stories about the oppression we've experienced as white males.

    • Stephen Colbert: Then, tax advice for the common man. You deducted the yacht, but what about the helicopter on the yacht?

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, a scientist in Texas clones champion race horses. Now you can win the trifecter in just one pick!

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Stay the course. Now, clones make some people uneasy, (Yoda for one) they think that cloning is a violation of natural law, nothing more than scientists playing God. (Played by Morgan Freeman) But, face it, breeders have been playing God by controlling race horses genetic material for hundreds of years. (Hot horse on horse husbandry) The fact is it works for people too. For a thousand years the aristocratic families of Europe have been marrying each other and they make great leaders. (And bleeders) And good genes are important in democracy as well folks.

      Look at the greatest horse race of all, the run for the Presidency. John Adams was such a popular president ("Alien and Sedition Act" rules!) that we elected as the 6th President his son, John Quincy Adams. ("Q" to his crew) It's the same today, Bush 41 may have been a one-termer, but we were so taken with his pedigree that we gave it another shot. (In the foot) And this happens on both sides of the political divide. Consider your Bayhs, your Romneys, your Daleys, your Gores, your Udalls, for years the Democrats elected Kennedy after Kennedy. (Diminishing returns) Although their last champion, Clinton, is no longer running, (Out to stud) folks, they're betting on his name in the big race this year.
      So, when it comes to racehorses and politicians why not eliminate chance and make the jump from breeding to cloning. We don't have to clone our current President, yet, Jeb and Neil are champing at the bits. (Jeb=Stallion, Neil=Gelding) And when they're through, we've got the President's nephew, young Pierce Bush.

      [Video] Pierce: I didn't think there'd be this kind of bubble of interest. You know what I'm sayin' (laughs)
      Reporter: We appreciate your coming and sharing your view with us this morning. Thanks very much.
      Pierce: I'm gonna go hit the bed, you know what I'm sayin' Campbell?
      Reporter: I hear you.

      Stephen: Oh, I think we all hear your Pierce. Now I know he's just a kid, but I wanna have a beer with that young man. (Before he doesn't get sent to Iraq) So nation, let's stick with our winners, we have to stay the course. (Stay the horse)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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