The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 54

Mitch Albom

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 23, 2008 on Comedy Central
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Mitch Albom
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Tonight Stephen welcomes radio host and author of For One More Day, Mitch Albom.

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      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Iraq The Vote. Folks, Hillary Clinton went into this campaign using many of the same strategies we used when we went to war. (Like getting New York Times endorsement) For instance she launched her run with overwhelming force hoping to shock and awe her opponents with a massive victory on Super Tuesday believing she would win a short, tidy battle and be greeted by the Democratic Party as a liberator. (Prefers the term "Progressivator") But thing didn't go quite as planned. There was unexpected resistance and now the Democrats are mired in a self destructive civil war. No one knows who will win. (Bet on the side clinging to guns) Some have called for Hillary to withdraw and maybe that would have been a sound strategy when she lost twelve primaries in a row, (Only 11 of them Bill's fault) but lately her surge is working. (Unlike millions of Americans) Unfortunately the math is just against her, there just aren't enough states left for her to catch up in the delegate count or the popular vote. Again, our strategy in this war provides a good parallel. (Voters feel tortured) You see, when the Army started running out of soldiers they simply lowered the standards for recruitment. So if Hillary is running out of states she should simply lower the standards for statehood. (Lower than Mississippi?) After we finished the 50 we've already got she should extend the campaign to other states because surely there's some other big state that could win her the nomination. (State of denial) I think one thing is clear, Hillary can't pull out, this is about honor. (Also, flag pins) And there's where I think she and McCain would agree. Once you're in a fight that costs this much, you have to stay in, even if it takes 100 years. Remember in both Iraq and the election the goal is democracy and what's more democratic than a campaign that never ends? (The will of the majority?)

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen Colbert: Why should we forgive anyone for anything? What's wrong with a good, solid, old-fashioned grudge? It's what this country was built on, sir. It's a cop out. You have to have some balls to stay angry at people.

      • Stephen Colbert: (about his rivalry with Korean pop sensation Rain) I will not have this Korean War end like the last one--with a sitcom starring Alan Alda.

      • Hillary Clinton: The tide is turning.
        Stephen Colbert: Yes! No one could predict Hillary Clinton's win in Pennsylvania, just like no one can predict the tide.

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