The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 1

Nancy Grace

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 09, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Nancy Grace
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the host of CNN's Nancy Grace, Nancy Grace.

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  • A decent start to a new season.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Elmo to Nancy Grace.

    Stephen starts the show off by talking about how Christmas survived this year.

    Stephen then gets into Bill O'Reilly's interview on David Letterman's show. Stephen also shows an interview he did on Conan's show, where he was shot.

    Stephen gets right into the news, which has Samuel Alito trying to become a member of the Supreme Court. He pokes a little fun at the Justice Sunday III gathering.

    Stephen then moves on to tonight's edition of "The Word", which is... well, there is no word, because there's no story. Stephen insists there's really no story with Jack Abramoff and Tom DeLay.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger" segment. Scientists receive a "Tip of the Hat" for a recent study which proves cute images pleasure the brain like sex and some drugs do. A "Tip of the Hat" goes to Elmo, who is trying to get kids to potty train by threatening them with death. And finally, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar receives a "Wag of the Finger" for his announcement of him working on a documentary which explores how jazz and hip-hop has influenced basketball. Stephen objects to it as he's already done a documentary on the subject.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Nancy Grace. Their discussion was all about criminals, lawyers, and judges, as Nancy Grace is a crime reporter for CNN and Court TV.

    Back from commercial, Stephen ends the show by announcing "truthiness" was voted the number one word of the year. Because the author of the news piece didn't mention Stephen's name, he puts the author on his "Dead To Me" list, and the supposed source for the word, on the "On Notice" list.

    I thought this was a pretty good start for the new year, but everything up to "The Word" was a bit ridiculous and pointless, I guess. The interview with Nancy Grace was funnier than I expected; she seemed to enjoy her time on the show. The best part of tonight's show was the ending, oddly enough. With "truthiness" the word of the year, I knew Stephen was going to have to comment on it, and he did a very good job.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen: …that brings me to tonight's Word: There is no Word tonight. (Do I still get paid?) No, I'm sorry, there is no Word because there is no story here. (Like King Kong) Now so what? A lobbyist cheated an Indian tribe out of 25 million dollars, (A trillion in wampum) then laundered their money through phony fundamentalist Christian charities working to stop other Indian tribes from getting casinos, (Thou shalt not compete) and bribe Congressmen in the process. Know what I call that? (New Carl Hiassen novel?) I call that business as usual in Washington. (Screwing Indians) Sure, Abramoff looks like a bad guy, and hey, maybe he was a bad guy, but I gotta tell you, what he's accused of doing doesn't sound that bad. He gave money to Congressmen, that's they way Washington works, one hand washes the other. Occasionally, one hand has to go a bit lower. (Happy ending) Look, politics isn't pretty, it's like sausage. No one wants to see it made and it will eventually destroy your heart. Now, I know a few members of Congress did take money from Abramoff, [List runs by] oh, I didn't know about him, that will do it. Last week, most of these guys returned the money or donated it to a worthy charity. (Does the NRA count?)

      Now the blog-o-nazis out there will say that I'm just trying to protect Abramoff because he's a distant associate of mine. Now it's true, Jack and I and Tom DeLay, Duke Cunningham and Dan Rostenkowski and the Keating five used to get together on weekends and do historical reenactments of the Teapot Dome scandal. (In the round) But, like those Congressmen who got rid of that money, I have given back all my memories of Jack Abramoff through hypnosis. Go ahead, subpoena me, I can't remember a damn thing about it. (Like President and cocaine use) Now, I am a clean slate, as smooth as a baby up here, as long as no one says my trigger word. (Rosebud?) Nope, sorry. (Swordfish?) No. (Bilbo Baggins?) Nice try. So tonight, I am officially shutting this story down, (Move along folks, nothing to see here) because little stories like this obscure the really big story. Indications suggest that we might get 7,000 troops back from Iraq some time this year. (Only 130,000 left to go) So is say: mission accomplished. Accomplished! That was the trigger word. It's all coming back to me, the golf trips, the bags of money, the Native American hookers, Jack! No Jack, don't kill that man! What was I saying? I don't know, nothing I guess.

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen Colbert: Nothing motivates toddlers like death threats.

    • Elmo: Uh oh, who wants to die?

  • NOTES (0)


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