The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 61

Nathan Gunn

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM May 06, 2008 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Nathan Gunn
Tonight Stephen welcomes opera singer Nathan Gunn.
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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (5)

      • Stephen: And this poll brings us to tonight's Word: Collateral Friendage. Now frankly folks, I don't get this poll at all. How could anyone think George Bush is more of a concern than Reverend Wright? One is the leader of the most powerful country in the world the other is the former pastor of a south side Chicago church. Wright is clearly the bigger threat. (Al lead he still has followers) I mean just look at these pictures: This one [Barack Obama & Wright] damning, this one [McCain & Bush hug] adorable. But American clearly want McCain to disown the President. (Like 74% of them have) And they are just as close as Obama is to Wright. Both pairs have shared important life events together. On October 18th, 1992 Reverend Wright married the Obamas, (Called lack of shrimp puff government conspiracy) and on August 29th 2005 the President celebrated John McCain's birthday with him in Arizona proving there was nothing in the world more important than making time for a friend. Not even responding to Hurricane Katrina which destroyed New Orleans earlier that morning. (Let them eat birthday cake) Reverend Wright baptized Obama's children and it's easy to imagine George Bush baptizing McCain's illegitimate black baby. (Conceived by Karl Rove) So if McCain wants to distance himself form the President he needs to follow Obama's lead. (Hope like Hell) Now Obama said that though he sat in Reverend Wright's church for 20 years, he wasn't there for the Reverend's inflammatory sermons. (Brunching with Weather Underground) McCain should just say that though he sat in the Senate for five years during every vote in the Iraq war he was napping. (Dreaming he was a maverick) And the Senator has already started the distancing process. He's criticized the President over the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina and global warming. And folks nothing takes more courage right now than to make a stand against global warming. (Safe talk express) But McCain is stuck where Obama was in March when he said of Wright: I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother. Now I'm not saying that John McCain show disown his white grandmother, (Eve?) but folks he does need to make a clean break from the President. Obama wasn't able to do that until Reverend Wright launched a bizarre media tour and started acting crazy.

        [Video: Reverend Wright: (singing) If you got some white friends…(makes rapping noise)…(trying to sound like JFK) Ask rather what you can do for your country]

        Stephen: So for John McCain's sake, President Bush should do the same thing. Mr. President, we know you've got the crazy dance down already. [clip of Bush dancing with African tribesmen] And your critics have accused you of saying crazy things for years.

        [Video clips: President Bush: They misunderestimted the compassion of our country. I hear there's rumors on the internets…You're working hard to put food on your family….I know that human being and fish can co-exist peacefully….The government of Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.]

        Stephen: But sir, for the sake of party it is time to go completely nutball. Hear messages from space through the fillings in your teeth. Wear a tinfoil jockstrap so aliens can't sterilize you. Buy a Zune. That will give McCain an opportunity to disown you and once he does we can stop dealing with petty distractions like whether or not John McCain supported your war, or supported your economic policies and go back to the important questions. (Is Barack Obama a secret Muslim?)

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen Colbert: That's it for the Report. Nation, don't be a stranger. Unless you actually see me on the street, then by all means, be a stranger!

      • Stephen Colbert: Nation, this morning I was reading the online journal Evolution and Human Behavior. I check that site all the time because I want to see which side is winning. I have a lot of money riding on Human Behavior. It is going to kick Evolution's ass. Anyway, I saw this great story that's evitably been picked up all over the news. It turns out a woman's voice becomes sexier when she is ovulating. You know what that means Nation? I am ovulating all the time. I mean, listen to this oral velvet. Clearly, this oven is preheated and ready to go. Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, Steven, you can't ovulate. You're not a woman. Well, I say that is sexist. Shouldn't a voice be judged on its attractiveness not on whether it has to go past an Adam's apple.

      • Stephen Colbert: Women counting is always sexy. That's why they call it foreplay. By the time she gets to four, I am ready to play.

      • Stephen Colbert: The biggest political albatross is George Bush.

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