The Colbert Report

Season 6 Episode 48

Neil DeGrasse Tyson

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 08, 2010 on Comedy Central
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson
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Tonight Stephen welcomes astrophysicist and the director of the Hayden Planetarium, Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
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      • Stephen: Tonight: Should the Republicans fire Michael Steele? Or now that he's hip hopified the Party, should they fizzire him? Then: NASA's ending manned space flight. Why did I invest all that money in astronaut ice cream? And my guest astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson is here to discuss the future of the space program. Or as it's now called: the Earth program. I hope they can resolve the situation in Kyrgyzstan, they are our nations top supplier of consonants. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: But Steele's leadership of the RNC has been plagued with controversy, and it brings us to tonight's Word: Affirmative Inaction. Folks, Steele got in trouble early, first he said his Party wouldn't retake Congress, then he publicly criticized Rush Limbaugh, and most recently he got in some hot water for RNC funds being spent at a lesbian bondage club, which flies in the face of core Republican values. (Of only spending cash on male homosexuals) But folks, most tellingly, under Michael Steele's leadership the RNC has seen its cash reserves dwindle from $23 million to $8 million. Evidently, when many Republican supports see Michael Steele, they clutch their wallets and cross to the other side of the street. (That's why these chickens cross the road) Like Tony Perkins, head of The Family Research Council.

        [Video: Tony Perkins: There are folks around this country that are very concerned about the values and how that impacts their families and their children and the RNC does not represent them in the way that they have been operating and so we're simply telling folks: Look, don't give your money there.]

        Stephen: And if you lose The Family Research Council you also lose their groundbreaking family research, Like their study proving families with gay kids have an increased risk of heart attack. (When you tell grandma) Yet after all of this folks, very few Republicans are calling for Steele to step down and there are some theories as to why.

        [Video: Anderson Cooper: Could anybody in the Republican Party even ask Michael Steel to step down at this point because of his race?
        Pundit: He's an African-American and you have to be very careful about what signal does that send if you were to remove an African American….]

        Stephen: Not to mention how hard it would be on the GOP's official portrait painter, he just bought his first tube of chestnut. So folks, here's where we are, the Republicans hired this strong, competent leader, not because he's black, but now they can't fire this weak, incompetent leader because he's black. They are trapped! (Between a rock and a black face) It is just not fair. Luckily, when you're looking for a fair solution, the answer usually comes from Karl Rove. You see, to get around this Steele problem, Rove is behind a new conservative group dedicated to defeating Democrats called American Crossroads.

        [Video: Pundit: American Crossroads is an organization that is being formed by Republican Party stalwarts like Karl Rove, Joann Davidson the former co-chair of the RNC, Ed Gillespie among others, essential with the goal or raising money to support candidates going into the next election.
        Pundit 2: It's a shadow RNC.]

        Stephen: Right! A shadow RNC. Only with a little less shadow. This is a great idea. With a huge election coming up, forming a splinter group competing for the same money, I cannot think of a better way to show you're on the same team. (Matching Reagan tramp stamps?) And American Crossroads has already received commitments of nearly $30 million. (That's a lot of girl on girl spank dances) I say all, and I mean all Republicans should ditch the RNC for American Crossroads. After all, Rove has a proven track record. I'm sure that permanent Republican majority is out there somewhere. (On Fox News) And once all the Republicans have left, Steele will be even more in charge of the RNC. He's chairman now, but as everyone abandons him, he'll have to be treasurer, spokesman, IT guy, janitor and personal assistant to Michael Steele. That is not an easy job. (Guy's a real f**k up) And by giving the real power to the shadow party, the Republicans get to tip toe around the firing of their first African-American chairman. Which is good, because otherwise, it would look like they're treating him differently because he's black. (Affirmative inaction)

        And that's the Word.

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