The Colbert Report

Season 6 Episode 134

Nicholas Negroponte

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 25, 2010 on Comedy Central
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Nicholas Negroponte
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the director of the MIT Media Lab, Nicholas Negroponte.

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      • Stephen: Luckily there is a way for America to pick the strongest leaders, and it's the subject of tonight's Word: Midterm Erection. Nation, these Midterms are already historic, thanks to the large number of prominent female candidates. Or candidettes. And these women and their supporters have come up with a phrase that perfectly captures what America needs from its leaders.

        [Video: Sarah Palin: Politicians who are in office toady, you need to man up…
        Candidate: Man up and do what you're asking other people to do
        Pundit: I have two words for you: Man up
        Woman: Man up, Harry Reid
        Woman: Man up…man up…man up.]

        Stephen: Yeah guys, man up! Stop acting like weak, spineless, unfit for leadership whatever the opposite of a man is. Everyone, everyone like to say that if women ruled the world there would be no more war and all the children of the world would be fed. And it is so refreshing that these women don't want that either. Plus, a woman telling her male opponent to man up is just good politics. (For 8th grade student council) Because folks, it works. Listen to how Delaware's Christine O'Donnell deballed her heavily favored primary opponent Mike Castle.

        [Audio: Christine O'Donnell: Mike, this is not a bake off. Get your man pants on.]

        Stephen: Yeah Mike! Get your man pants on! Well said, and true. Because anyone who's been to a bake off knows you don't wear pants. (Helps display your buns) So we need leaders who are ready to man up. And folks, let's be clear about what these ladies mean, there's only one part of an American man that goes up: (His cholesterol?) The penis part. Size matters. (To swing voters) I mean these lady politicians are basically saying its time our democracy ditched the ballot box in favor of the measuring stick. (The fourth branch) And I agree. In this election there's only one poll that matters, only one lever we should be cranking behind that curtain. Vote for whichever candidate has a rock hard, seam splitting man lance, a steel truss bearing Don Quixote the length of a champion summer squash, the girth of a Costco can of chickpeas, and an iron core so dense it throws off compasses. And failing that we should just elect candidates with giant balls, like these women, who have the juevos to suggest that what leadership actually requires is manning up. (Midterm erection)

        And that's the Word.

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