The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 29

Norman Ornstein

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 07, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Norman Ornstein
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of The Broken Branch: How Congress Is Failing America and How to Get It Back on Track, Norman Ornstein!

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  • Stephen tries to inherit a fortune on tonight's episode.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from the war on terror to tonight's guest, Norman Ornstein.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by admiring the incredible applause from the audience and then mentions he's dedicating tonight's show to Sir Benjamin Slade, who is seeking an American to inherit his wealth. Obviously Stephen quickly volunteers to accept the man's millions of dollars.

    Moving on, Stephen turns his attention to wars and how some people don't get to fight in wars because some don't get to last long enough for that to happen. The current war is unlike those, and this brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "The Long War." Stephen mentions the War on Terror, the War on Drugs, and the War on Poverty, none of which we've won. Stephen thinks the idea of the Pentagon and White House changing the name of "The War on Terror" to "The Long War" is a great idea.

    Back from commercial, Stephen makes another appeal to Sir Benjamin Slade, in a bid to get his estate.

    Moving on again, Stephen introduces another "All You Need To Know" segment. Stephen touches on subjects such as a supreme court decision on the military recruiting on college campuses, a study on what people remember from watching TV, fat kids, Wal-Mart's decision on carrying the morning after pill, and the Grand Theft Auto game's manufacturer's future plans.

    Stephen then turns his attention to international news, but he's only got 11.6 seconds to do it, but he still manages to cover several subjects.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest Norman Ornstein. Since Mr. Ornstein has studied Congress, they begin their conversation by criticizing Congress for doing very little. Stephen ends the interview with a very quick exchange on the 2008 elections, which seems to see Senator McCain defeating Senator Clinton in the eyes of Stephen and Mr. Ornstein.

    Tonight's episode wasn't too bad, but it also wasn't a favorite of mine. The interview with Norman Ornstein was alright, as well, but again, nothing special. Tonight's edition of "The Word" was likely the highlight, along with the tail end of the "All You Need To Know" segment.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: The Long War. It's the new name for the war on terror that the Pentagon introduced in their recent quadrennial defense review, and it's really taking off. According to the State Department's web site The Bush administration and the Defense Department increasingly are using the term "the long war." Now, it's not the first time that they've re-branded this conflict. (Remember "Mission Accomplished") I think everyone can agree that the original term "War of Terror" didn't cut it. (Or win it) First of all, wars on things have a bad track record.

      Take drugs, (Way ahead of you) well, don't take drugs, but consider the war on drugs. Those few members of my audience who are not high tonight, will recall that it was not as successful as we might have hoped. Or, take the war on poverty. (Can I keep the drugs?) We won only half that one. There were still poor people, but for a long time we didn't see them. (Thanks a lot, Katrina) Another thing about the term "War on Terror" it's to limiting. We can only attack terrorists? They're kind of hard to find. (Ollie-ollie-oxen-free) The administration changed it to the "Global War on Terror," even more limiting. Now we're reduced to fighting terror on our own planet? (Osama could be on Mars) Then for a while it was the "Struggle against Global Extremism," but struggle sounds like you're a mouse stuck in a glue trap. (Or an Army stuck in Iraq) But now folks, Donald Rumsfeld has given us "The Long War."

      Bravo Mr. Secretary. If we call it The Long War who can really criticize it for not being short, it's right there in the name. Also, there's a lot of latitude in being long. Long can mean all the live long day, which any 19th century railroad track layer will tell you is not that long. (Only till Dinah blows her horn) Or, it could be long, as in a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, a staggering length of time that can only be conveyed through dazzling digital effects. (Begun, this long war has) Plus, when it comes to war, as well as other manly enthusiasms, it's kind of rude to ask about its length. (Long enough to get the job done) Besides, it's not the length of the war that matters. (It's the motion in the military) And, on the off chance, it ends up being a short war, that's just win-win. (Unless you lose) Now, this undefined, open ended war on anything gives us a lot of freedom. (To fight forever against everything) The only question is: Do we Americans have it in us to stick out a long war? Well I say, as long as we're under attack, Americans will support this war, and as long as we're at war, obviously we're under attack. (The Chicken-Egg War) The Long War is sending a message of hope to America: There's no foreseeable conclusion, and we're not sure who we're fighting. (Syriana?) Remember, we didn't start this war, and we're sure as hell not going to be the ones to stop it. (Stop It)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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