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The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 12

Paul Begala

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jan 26, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
User Rating
7 votes

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Episode Summary

Paul Begala
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes CNN commentator and the co-author of Take It Back: Our Party, Our Country, Our Future, Paul Begala!

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  • Stephen announces the Colbert Cruise!

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Canada's elections to New Jersey 8th district.

    Stephen starts off the show by discussing "thunder snow," a sure sign of God's anger at us.

    He then transitions into another "Who's Attacking Me Now?" segment. It seems Russ Lieber is attacking Stephen again on his radio show. It seems Stephen lied about being in the Marine Corps, so Russ challenged him on it.

    Stephen then starts discussing the outsourcing of jobs. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Wham-O." It seems another company is moving to China. Also, a report from Europe says the United States is outsourcing torture. Stephen suggests creating a domestic torture industry for the U.S., which can involve Detroit, for instance. Just think of the jobs it would create!

    Back from commercial, Stephen wishes a little girl a Happy Birthday because she won a drawing contest in which she drew a picture of Stephen. It seems a newspaper even printed the photo of Stephen. He plans on sending her a Colbert Report t-shirt.

    Stephen then transitions into how depressing this time of year is. Stephen is announcing a Colbert Cruise. He then shows a funny vacation video they worked on for the cruise.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Pat Begala. They talk about how Pat helped President Clinton with soundbites. They also discuss the 2006 elections.

    Tonight's episode was another good installment of the show. The cruise package they put together was a bit silly, but it was still another good show.moreless
Paul Begala

Paul Begala


Guest Star

David Cross

David Cross

Russ Lieber (voice/photo)

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (1)

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Wham-O. Last week the company that manufactures the Frisbee, the Slip N Slide, the Superball and perhaps most disturbingly Silly String announced that it's been sold to China. (Toy giant goes East) Nation, this is not the place for Wham-O. Imagine the impact of a single Superball on a crowded Chinese bike lane. (Take note, Pentagon) Now according to the Associated Press a European Union investigation has found that the U.S. is outsourcing torture to foreign countries. First, a word to the European Union, stop investigating us, you've got your own failings. (Ever drive a Fiat?) Nation, we can't afford to be outsourcing any jobs. (Need them for Mexican immigrants)

      Look at these classifieds right here, pizza delivery man, wedding DJ, doorman, there's not one torture job in here. (Maybe wedding DJ) Folks the war in terror has no end in sight, torture is the new growth industry. (Like the internet with less weird stuff) We're missing a golden opportunity. It's time to bring torture back to this side of the pond and put America back to work. (Working people over) Let's switch those closed Detroit auto plants from manufacturing cars to extracting information. (Turn Motown into Gitmotown) When God give you lemons folks, you make lemonade. (By squeezing them really hard) These would be good jobs with excellent benefits. The sort of jobs people had in the old days. (The Spanish Inquisition)

      America needs this kind of shot in the arm. (And shock to the genitals) Then we can start feeling good about the economy again. (Their pain, our gain) Sure in the global economy it's more efficient to move suspects around the world and interrogate them wherever, (Syria's beautiful this time of year) but what if there's a war? (Iraq?) No the next one. (Venezuela?) No the one in between. (Iran) Right. We are going to need a domestic torture industry. (Flayed in the U.S.A.) Vice President Cheney's right, torture is going to happen. American workers have taken enough hits. It's time for them to start dishing it out. (Wham-O)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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