The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 108

Paul Krugman

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Aug 22, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Paul Krugman
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Tonight Stephen welcomes economist and colmnist Paul Krugman, author of The Great Unraveling: Losing Our Way in the New Century.

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      • Stephen: First of all, rabbits do have holes. From what I understand that's how you get more rabbits.

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: 99 Problems. On one side you got the U.N. known for constantly undermining our country's sovereign power, (Always demanding "rationale" for war) and on the other you've got MTV eroding our values with footage of people stapling their balls to their legs. (Total nut jobs) And on the third side you've got Jay-Z. Now, I'm no fan of the rap-rock, but I like him. He's a hip-hop-repreneur, a multi-platinum legend know for the raw beats, unstoppable flow and sex with Beyonce. One imagines, and I frequently do. Together these three powers pose a grave threat to our nation's security, (Weapons of mashup destruction) because folks, when mega-stars like Jay-Z team up with Kofi Annan suddenly international diplomacy becomes cool. (Nobel Peace Bling) And that mean teens across America will start forming their own model U.N.'s, passing their own toothless resolutions and embezzling from their own nation building programs. (Oil for Xbox) You know the U.N is supposed to be lame, that's why we put John Bolton there! Sure he kicks ass, (Of the people who work for him) but he's as about as appealing to kids as, well, John Bolton. I just couldn't think of anything less appealing that John Bolton. (Michael Bolton?)

        Meanwhile look what Jay-Z is saying to the press, quote: "I'm very excited to go and not only be a rock star in these countries, but to help…Thanks to the U.N. and MTV." It's official, Jay-Z has joined the Bono-stapo. (Et U2, Brute?) He and U.N. supporters like Alicia Keys, Chris Martin, Shakira and Sting call themselves rock stars, last time I checked rock stars are supposed to smash up hotels rooms, not build shelters for refugees. ("Raise the roof" just a metaphor) Listen, Jayz, and your fellow hip-hop-keteers, if I'm gonna be mad at you I want it to be things that originally offended me about rap. Namely lyrics about capping police officer, bustin ho's and liking big butts. (Stephen hasn't heard rap since '92) And to all you rock stars I say keep your nose out of international affairs, (And in piles of blow) and nation, I call on you to burn these do-gooders records until they stop playing diplomat and start acting like real rock/rap poppers again. Then we can go back to burning their records for the usual reasons. (Our ministers told us to)

        And that's the Word.

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