The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 137

Penn Jillette

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 01, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Penn Jillette
Tonight Stephen welcomes magician Penn Jillette.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen Colbert: It's the first day of November sweeps, and I'm pregnant. This is the Colbert Report.

      • (after John Kerry's scandalous speech)
        Stephen Colbert: That is inappropriate and unforgivable and I love it.

      • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Rip-Off. This story really struck a nerve with a lot of people. On one side analysts buzzing that Google's been ripped off, wasting 1.65 billion dollars on another Napster dud. (Just posted video of world's smallest violin) On another you've got big media companies claiming they've been ripped off by kids posting their content leaving them no choice but to yank their copyrighted material. (Yanking is an online tradition) And of course you've got the YouTube audience saying they've been ripped off because "The Man" has ruined their favorite way to burn an afternoon on company time. (Hey, you've still got a copier and an ass) Folks, they all think they think they're the ones being screwed…and they're all wrong. Look at it this way. Until Google stepped in, YouTube was like Lord of the Flies, unsupervised kids becoming video heroes for fleeting moments only to be usurped by an even less supervised kid riding downhill on a bike with his jacket on fire. It was chaotic, it was uncontrollable, and worst of all, it was not making any money. (Just concussions)

        But this situation is Google's specialty. Taking something useless, say your web searches, and turning them into cash with tiny targeted ads for big boner pills. And now that Google's got YouTube, they're gonna work that same magic on your independent short: "Hitting a Guy On the Head with a Shovel." And the media companies who are supposedly getting ripped off folks, they'll be okay. Insiders are saying that as much as 1/3 of YouTube's 1.65 billion dollar price tag will be used to settle copyright issues. I imaging the deal's read something like this: Hey Dudes, Google here. Here's 50 million dollars, leave YouTube alone or we'll take our 162 billion dollar market capitalization and buy your ass. (Via PayPal) Of course, these corporate backroom deals haven't technically been confirmed, (Rumor mill also bought by Google) but guess what web whiners? Despite all those headlines, if you go to YouTube you'll still find a healthy collection of Threatdowns. [Threatdown graphic starts] No Jimmy! No not now! We're still doing the Word! Bring it back.

        So the crazy web watchers get their clips, the media corporations will get their money, Google will get their ad revenue, it's perfect. There's absolutely nobody who deserves money who's not getting it. [Kid on fire] So kids whether you're watching this on TV or on YouTube, keep stuffing your cats into fishbowls and doing physical harm to each other. Because this is now a moneymaking machine and it can't run on your free fuel. (Rip-Off)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

      • Better Know A District: California's 30th. Rep. Henry Waxman (D) who did not talk to Stephen. Instead Stephen talked to his Republican challenger, David Nelson Jones.

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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