The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 132

Richard Dawkins

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 17, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Richard Dawkins
Tonight Stephen celebrates his 1st anniversary episode with Oxford Professor of Biology and author of The God Delusion Richard Dawkins.

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Irreconcilable Differences. Yes nation, you society and marriage are drifting apart, the signs are everywhere. (Bobby and Whitney! Why!?) You know there's plenty of people to blame. (Like Bill Clinton) Our society is reeling from high cost of living, increased secularism, this whole career woman fad. (Stephen intimidated by pantsuits) Well nation it's time to fight back, this country has a vast, untapped reserve of committed monogamists itching to tie the knot. (Illegal immigrants needing green cards) I'm looking at you gays, and this time it's not just to make sure we don't share a bench in the locker room. (Still #1 way to catch gayness) Now I've come out against gay marriage in the past so I know I'm doing a reversal on this one (Swinging both ways) but everyone knows that when recruiting's down you lower your standards to fill up the ranks. (Backdoor draft) And when you think about it gays and marriage are a perfect match. (Both feared by straight men) They want federal recognition for their life partnership and basic humanity and we need the numbers. It's a win-win. (Hot win-on-win action) But folks allowing gay marriage isn't enough, we need to enforce gay marriage. Just assign everyone gay a partner and a date to show up at a Unitarian church and before you know it marriage will get popular again because everyone knows that gays are trend setters. (Denied rights before it was fashionable) Slowly but surely gay marriage will help us raise the figures back over 50% only then will Fort Marriage be safe. (And tastefully decorated) And when that day comes we can take gay marriage away from them again. Pull the plug. Bar the doors. No more rainbow weddings. (Also ban chicken dance) After all, we cannot let the gays destroy an institution that is so special to all of us. (All=Less than half)

      And that's the Word.

    • Stephen: The Chinese celebrate the passage of a year with the Lantern Festival, the Jews with the blowing of the shofar, and the Americans with alcohol induced dementia and pity sex.

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