The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 146

Richard Linklater

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Nov 16, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Richard Linklater
Tonight Stephen welcomes Richard Linklater, director of Fast Food Nation.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen:...And Dan Rather stopped by. Everybody thought it was over for Dan after he left CBS. But you know what? He's got a brand new show. Reminds me of what F Scott Fitzgerald once said. Quote, "There are no second acts in American lives.", Fitzgerald must have been drunk when he said that. Just like when he wrote all the rest of that sh*t, because America is all about the second chances folks.

      • Stephen:

        [Screen banner: Will lobby For food.]

        Tonight! Lobbyist scramble to find friends in the new Democratic Majority. It just doesn't have the same ump to take someone out for a veggie burger.

        [Screen banner: Dreck The Halls.]

        Then every time a bell rings I tear this year's batch of Christmas movies a new one.

        [Screen banner: Nailed And Confused.]

        And director Richard Linklater is here. I assume we'll have a long neandering conversation that does not end up with us having sex.

        I'm off next week, so savor me like the last rose of summer. This is The Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: ….brings us to tonight's Word: Play Ball! Folks, there's a new game in the capital and Democrats, you're up. (New Speaker throws like a girl) Lobbyists are not your enemies. (They are friends with benefits) There is nothing wrong with them giving you money to get access. It's just like the Boston Red Sox, they paid 51 million dollars just to talk to ace pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka of the Japanese Seibu Lions. Go Seibu-san! Not only is that more than anyone has ever paid to talk to anyone about anything it's more than the entire 2006 payroll of five Major League Baseball teams. (Or two Yankee pitchers) Now Matsuzaka is Japan's best baseball player. (Until replaced by Karaoke-singing robot) You wouldn't think the Japanese would let him go, but you know what folks, the cash worked. They're going to negotiate a deal now, the guys gonna play ball. (Below impossible expectations) Democrats you should play ball too. Democrats talk to the lobbyists. You've already got some great players on your team. There's new majority leader Congressman Steny Hoyer, in the years between 200 and 2005 he got $610,000 from lobbyists. Hillary Clinton got $615,000, Harry Reid got $625,000, and Congressman John Murtha got $685,000. (Cut check and run)

        We have all heard Speaker Pelosi say she'll propose lobbing reform legislation with the first 100 hours of the new Congress, (So, early 2008) but really don't call this game on account of ethics. Let's play extra innings. (At free golf outings) Don't let this opportunity pass you by. (Act without DeLay) The Red Sox only have 30 days to cut a deal with Matsuzaka, Democrats you've got about the same amount of time until you take power and have to start living up to all these promises of reform. A bold negotiating strategy, by the way. (Playing "Hard to Grease") Look, you want to reform lobbying, that's great, but you can't reform lobbying unless you stay in power. So if you want to end politicians taking money from lobbyists, you need to take money from lobbyists so you can stay in power to end it. (Catch-$22 million) So Democrats get in the game, because if you want to forfeit, you have to play. (Play Ball!)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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