The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 116

Rick Reilly

0
Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 16, 2008 on Comedy Central
9.3
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Episode Summary

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Rick Reilly
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Tonight Stephen welcomes sportswriter, ESPN Magazine columnist and founder of Nothing But Nets, Rick Reilly. Also Stephen talks with consumer advocate Tyson Slocum about the current financial crisis.

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SUBMIT REVIEW

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (5)

      • (part of Threatdown)
        Stephen Colbert: How does a supposed nerd not know the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek?

      • Rick Reilly: 3,000 kids a day die in Africa from Malaria…$10 saves a life.
        Stephen Colbert: Buzz kill, malaria kills, send a net, save a life.

      • Stephen Colbert: Threat number five: Russia. In recent weeks, Russian newspaper "Pravda" has run a series of front page editorials calling republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, "a cheap little guttersnipe," "a pith headed little bimbo from the back of beyond," and "Mrs. nobody know it all shrieking call from Alaska." That is ridiculous. She is not "Mrs. nobody know it all shrieking call from Alaska." That is her maiden name. These slurs are a threat to our national love affair with this woman. Russia is poisoning our affection with lies just like they poison their dissenting journalists with poison. Worst of all, unsuspecting Americans may just think the Russians are telling the truth. I mean Russians obviously know a lot about Sarah Palin. After all, Russia is right next to Alaska. Threat number four: bobcats. Last week, a family of bobcats moved into a foreclosed home in southern California. No one knows why the bobcats moved to southern California but authorities assume that ultimately they want to direct. What I want to know is who approved these bob cats' mortgage?...Threat number three: scientists. Last week, physicists in Switzerland fired up the large hadron colider amid worries that the particle accelerator might bring about the end of the world…Threat number two: rat-bots. Scientists…in England…have built a small robot that is controlled by a Petri dish full of rat neurons. (gags) But it gets worse. The rat brain remotely steers the robot via blue tooth wireless signals. Which means they're not just rat robots. They're also rat assholes. Look, I can accept a rat-bot enslaving all humanity and putting us to work in the cheddar mines but I will not stand for some robo-rodent in Abercrombie and Fitch forcing me to listen to Limp Bizkit…Finally, the number one threat: icebergs. Thanks to global warming we've almost defeated the iceberg menace. Leonardo DiCaprio you did not die in vain. Oh Leo, you taught me the joys of lower class dancing. But now, the icebergs are fighting back…It is a massive floating schwantz-berg. It is clearly an attack on our morals and on our self confidence. I don't get it. I thought cold water was supposed to make it shrink. Keep in mind, now, 90% of that thing is still underwater. We're not going to turn our backs on this wangcicle…

      • Stephen Colbert: Of course, the big story continues to be the bad financial news. Looks like insurance giant AIG is going to collapse. You'd think they would have had an insurance policy for that.

      • Stephen: Tonight: A sex scandal rocks the Department of the Interior, but from what I understand they were rocking each other's interiors. Plus: Who's attacking Sarah Palin now? My money's on a sexist moose. Then I sit down with ESPN's Rick Reilly. I predict he's going to strike out and I'm gonna have two balls. Hey TiVo owners! Look for a secret message when you watch the commercials in their entirety. This is the Colbert Report.

    • NOTES (1)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • (part of the Threatdown)
        Stephen Colbert: Finally, the number one threat: icebergs. Thanks to global warming we've almost defeated the iceberg menace. Leonardo DiCaprio you did not die in vain. Oh Leo, you taught me the joys of lower class dancing.

        This is an allusion to depictions of lower class living on board the Titanic and to the untimely demise of the character Jack, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, in the film Titanic.

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