The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 59

Rick Reilly

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM May 04, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
User Rating
6 votes

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Episode Summary

Rick Reilly
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of Shanks For Nothing, Rick Reilly!

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  • Stephen profiles Oregon's third district.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from excommunicated bishops to Earl Blumenauer.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by mentioning he was out last night with Patrick Kennedy, and it seems they drove into a concrete barricade. Stephen takes full responsibility for the whole incident. Stephen says he shouldn't have stayed up so late.. he just couldn't wait for today, the National Day of Prayer. A NASCAR driver has the logo for the event on his car, which was featured in a race, where he finished thirteenth. The event is chaired by Dr. James K. Dobson's wife. According to the the National Day of Prayer website, the response you get from God all depends on your relationship with him. To show the relationship, Stephen has put together a handy chart. If you're a Satan-worshipper, you can't expect much. A liberal can expect to get help for a better hair cut. Next, most of us are like Toby Keith; we have flaws, but can ask for much more. On the extreme end, we find the Dobsons. They can ask for anything, even smiting people. Stephen ends the segment with a prayer. In it, he prays for himself, his crew, and for his car keys to be found.

    Moving on, Stephen mentions the Chinese Catholic Church ordained two Bishops without the consent of the Pope, so the Pope excommunicated them. This brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word," which is "Indulgence." Stephen asks the Catholic Church to cut the Chinese some slack on this issue.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another edition of "Better Know A District" which profiles Oregon's third district. Stephen then interviews the district's representative, Congressman Earl Blumenauer. They talk about the district and whether or not the war in Iraq is really a war on terrorism.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Rick Reilly. Since Mr. Reilly is a writer for Sports Illustrated, their entire discussion is about sports. Much of the interview focuses on Barry Bonds and the steroids controversy.

    Back from commercial, Stephen is about to say goodnight to us all when he finds his car keys. He smiles, picks them up, and thanks God. The then says goodnight.

    I liked much of tonight's show. The interview segment was certainly above average. I hope Stephen has Rick Reilly on more often; he has a great sense of humor. The "Better Know A District" segment was good as always. Although they're pretty much all the same content, there's still humor in it somehow. Stephen's still able to keep the show fresh.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (6)

    • Stephen Colbert: And to celebrate "Better Know A District" turning 21, we're going to get it drunk and buy it a hooker.

    • Stephen Colbert: We're holding our spring formal, and my date is the truth. Tonight, we're going all the way. This is The Colbert Report.

    • Stephen Colbert: Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly has written a new novel about golf. I'll ask him why golfers would want to shoot eagles.

    • Stephen Colbert: You'll never guess which representative of Oregon's third district I sit down with, unless you guess Earl Blumenauer.

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, the pope excommunicates two Chinese bishops. Will the Chinese retaliate by stopping production on dashboard Jesus'?

    • Stephen: …which brings us to tonight's Word: Indulgence. Indulge China, Vatican, everyone else has. (Sino the times) American companies are doing business there and raking in enormous profits. (Fortune 500 cookie) And folks, all they have to do is play nice with the Chinese government. For instance in exchange for the entry into the Chinese market, Rupert Murdoch agrees to let Beijing use his satellites to beam Chinese state propaganda into the U.S. (Hannity & Chen) Now Google restricts internet searches on Tiananmen and square, (Also "big" and "jugs") and Yahoo! outs the occasional dissident blogger. ( :( ) It's a small price to get in on the ground floor of the worlds' largest emerging market. (Over 1 billion to be served) But China's not only an excellent opportunity for business, it's a huge potential growth sector for the Catholic Church. (Good missionary position) Over a billion people who naturally hunger for the Church's message. (No birth control) Now of course the Vatican is going to have to make a few compromises. (St. Mao) Jesus said blessed are the peacemakes, well China imprisons the peacemakers. (Meek shall inherit more meekness) And Beijing gets to name bishops who won't criticize the regime. (And wiretap confessionals) For this minor compromise, the church will get so much in return. (30 pieces of Yuan) So, Catholic Church cut China some slack. Take a page from corporate America and don't let your values stand of the way of value. After all, you've done it before.

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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