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The Word: F#@k
Stephen Colbert (to Robert Greenwald): If you don't destroy America, please come back.
Michael Greenwald: So I think I may be in a little bit of danger, and I'd like one of your security guards to help me leave the studio when I leave.
Stephen Colbert: No, I need those guys on the sides of me, just to carry me to my car.
Stephen Colbert: Now settle a bet for me. Who hates America more, you or Michael Moore?
Michael Greenwald: I'd say I like America more than Michael does.
Stephen Colbert: You do?
Michael Greenwald: Yes
Stephen Colbert: Alright, I don't like the way you put that, I'll say "he hates it more than you hate America."
Michael Greenwald: I love it a lot, which is why I do all of these films.
Stephen Colbert: You see, you liberals play all of these symantic games. You say hate, when we're talking about love here.
Stephen Colbert: That's right, a scientist won a prize for religion. That's like giving the Pulitzer Prize to the NY Times!
Stephen Colbert (about Soledad O'Brien): This omni-racial newswoman could easily be the result of a freaky eight-way at a Benetton photo shoot.
Stephen Colbert: It's our last show of March, I came in like a lion, and I'm going out like a lamb-fed lion. This is The Colbert Report.
Stephen Colbert: If you're as outraged by sex and profanity on TV as I am, that makes two of us.
Stephen Colbert: Women's history month has come and gone, and no one noticed. Perhaps next year, it should try wearing a lower-cut top.
Stephen: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: F#@k. If that verb offends you, you're not alone. (Just in the wrong decade) Take a look at this article from CNN.com, 75% of women and 60% of men find profanity objectionable. Americans hate swearing as much as ever, but nobody's complaining about it. (Kvetching futures hit hard) In the article Miss Manners, personal friend of the show, explains the danger. If "everybody is pretending they aren't shocked…gradually people won't be shocked." Let's face it, America runs on shock. (And cheddar fries) Outrage is the only thing separating us from being Canadian. (Plus real bacon) Why do you think the Pilgrims came to this country in the first place? (Hard to kill Indians long distance) They were appalled at the level of indecency in 17th century England. (Too much exposed ankle)
Evidently we're just not shocked enough anymore, so I'm calling on Hollywood to do its patriotic duty, shock and disgust us so that we may condemn you. (Talking to you, Clooney) You gave it a good shot with that "Brokeback Mountain," but we've grown jaded, you're gonna have to up the ante. (Sequel stars the horse) But while we're waiting for Hollywood to get its act together, there's plenty the rest of us can do to raise the national umbrage level. (The N.U.L.) So, nation, here's your homework, do or say something that will outrage your neighbor. (Try coveting his ass) Push the envelope on profanity. Change up the phrasing. Instead of suggesting they merely "eat" or "suck" something of yours, invite them to eat it out, or up, or sideways, any preposition will help. ("Amidst" your mother?)
By enraging each other, we are serving the best interests of democracy, (Seethe to shining seethe) because as recent history has shown us, righteous fury seems to be the best way to get people to the polls. That's why gay marriage, gay adoption and gay teachers are urgent problems only in years that end in even numbers. (Isn't that odd?) Being this offensive isn't going to be easy, (Just ask a Danish cartoonist) but we have got to keep it up until the mid term elections, because unless Republicans get their base out to the polls, they are so f#@ked.
And that's the Word.
FRACT: The Colbert Report's drug testing policy is more than four times stronger than Major League Baseball's!
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