Stephen: Hey, semi-colon! Comma or colon, pick a side, we're at war! This is the Colbert Report!
Stephen: I sit down with democratic political strategist Bob Schrum. I'll ask him whether he advised Kerry to flip or to flop.
Stephen: Folks, for the next few minutes, I would like to have an adult conversation. So, anyone watching the program with a teen, please tell them to leave the room. Okay?
I'll just make sure they are gone. Okay,...
Any giggles from behind the couch? No? Good, we are alone.
Stephen Colbert: "Are you saying it is time for the federal government to wake up and bake?"
Aaron Houston: "Well, I am not saying that but I am saying.."
Colbert: "I recommend you do. I recommend you do say that because that would look great on a poster!"
Stephen: Tonight, North Dakota seeks to legalize hemp farming. The corn won't be the only thing high as an elephant's eye.
"The corn is as high as an elephant's eye" is a line from the song "Oh, What A Beautiful Morning," which is from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma!
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