The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 79

Ron Paul

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 13, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Ron Paul
Tonight Stephen welcomes Texas Representative Ron Paul.

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  • NOT Dr. Micheal Gershon.

    I'm a little bit biased on this episode as the guest was Ron Paul who I will be voting for to be our next president of the United States. Yeah, he's Republican, but when you watch this episode, you'll think one of two things... wow, what a kook, or hey, that's a refreshing change in the political world! In addition to seeing my guy as the guest, tonight's threatdown was hilarious with the jumping back and forth between bears and robots and concluding with robot bears. This show's always good for a chuckle, but I really like the episodes where it's laugh out loud funny. For more information on Ron Paul check it out ya'll:

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen: I've got good news and I've got bad news. Good news is that there's a whole lotta bad news. This is the Threatdown!

    • Stephen: President Bush nominates a new Surgeon General or he might have just said "Surge on General".

    • Stephen: Good news, I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to no car insurance. This is The Colbert Report.

    • Stephen: Maybe it's tonight's Word: Pathophysiology. It means the study of abnormal bodily functions caused by disease. As in "Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality by James W. Holsinger jr, M.D." An article prepared for one of our nations most preeminent medical institutions, the United Methodist Church. In it Dr. Holsinger proves that male homosexuality is not only unnatural, but a threat to public health. (Manthrax) That is why as a responsible physician he helped found a church that makes part of its mission is curing homosexuality. (Side effect may include continuing to be gat) It makes me think the nation might better fight the gay agenda if we treated it like a disease. (Disco fever) Unfortunately America has never had a Surgeon General brave enough to treat homosexuality like an epidemic, until now. Because President Bush has just nominated Dr. James Holsinger author of "Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality" to be our new Surgeon General. He'll be a welcome relief from the Surgeon Generals we've had in the past, like Jocelyn Elders, who lost her job for saying to promote safe sex, masturbation should be taught. New flash Jocelyn! If somebody's teaching you, it's not masturbation. Holsinger will also be the antidote for C. Everett Koop, the only other Surgeon General I've heard of. Now I have nothing negative to say about Koop except of course for the beard. What is with that? Was he hunting the white whale? (Jocelyn Elders teaching him to use "harpoon")

      So Dr. Holsinger on the other hand understands homosexuality is obviously wrong. As he says in his article: "The logical complementarily of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fitting either the male fitting or the female fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other." It proves what I've always said, don't go to a doctor when you could go to a plumber. I've been doing it for years, whenever I'm feeling under the weather I just have him snake out my U-bend. I say we get this guy appointed and let his do for homosexuality what previous Surgeon Generals have done for smoking. (Move it to the sidewalk?) There are so many parallels. Kids start experimenting with both in college because it seems cool, ("I smoked Menthols at Wellesley.") both are highly addictive, (And come in packs of 20) and both are popular among the French. (Oui here, oui queer, get used to it) For years we have tolerated smoking just like we currently tolerate homosexuality, but the Surgeon General alerted us to the danger of smoking with warning labels. With Holsinger at the helm we can use the same approach for homosexuality. (It's all in the approach) Every gay man and woman should come with a label: "Warning: Plumbers have found homosexual behavior to be dangerous and unnatural."

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (1)


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