Stephen: Remember folks, if you would like to participate in a Colbert Nation online discussion group, your parents would like you to move out of their basement.
Stephen: Ms. Crow, women are not to touch Karl Rove. I can see why you'd want to, the man oozes musk.
Stephen Colbert: Threat Number Five: French Socialist party leader Ségolène Royal, who came in second in France's presidential elections Sunday. That places her in a run-off on May Sixth against ruling-party leader Nicolas Sarkozy. Socialism is always a threat, but never moreso than when it looks like this:
[cut to picture of Mlle. Royal at a press conference]
Heyy… I'm no commie, but I'd like to control her means of production… SNAP OUT OF IT, Colbert… See, that's what I'm talking about folks… we all know French women are inherently sexy, with their smoking, and their trenchcoats, and their indifference to us when we were backpacking in Europe in the summer of 1986. A sexy French socialist is just a Trojan Horse. On the outside, she looks like this:
[cut to picture of Mlle. Royal in a bathing suit]
...but on the inside, she's all this:
[same picture, except with Karl Marx's face]
That ain't Santa Claus, folks.
Stephen: The warm weather is finally here folks but I'm about to send a cold chill down your spine. This is the Threat Down!
Stephen: The weather's warmed up and I'm showing some skin. This is the Colbert Report!
Stephen: Def Jam's Russel Simmons is here. Wait until he meets this sucker MC. Sucker MC is a good thing, right?
5. French Socialist Party Leader Segolene Royal
4. myspace.com (for myspace news)
3. Zeppelins (Venezuela spy blimps)
2. Sheryl Crow (for limiting toilet paper and bugging Karl Rove)
Stephen Colbert: The Galapagos Islands, of course, are home to Darwin's famous finches, which if his theory of evolution were true, would look like this today:
[picture of Hawkman is placed on screen.]
The picture of Hawkman is from the cancelled animated series "Justice League Unlimited"(2001-06). For more information about Justice League Unlimited, visit the TV.com page here.
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