The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 54

Sebastian Junger

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 26, 2006 on Comedy Central
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Sebastian Junger
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of A Death in Belmont, Sebastian Junger!

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  • Stephen starts an arms race!

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from Star-Spangled Banner to Sebastian Junger.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by mentioning how scared he is. It seems the folks on Hannity & Colmes have the nuclear bomb. Stephen doesn't have a problem with Sean Hannity having it, but he's really worried about Alan Colmes. Since he feels the need for his own weapon, Stephen asks two stage hands to bring out his nuclear bomb. The Colbert Nation is now in an arms race with Hannity & Colmes! Stephen explains several parts about the bomb, and he indicates this is a very powerful bomb; it's a hydrogen bomb to be exact. Stephen then asks Bobby to bring out the uranium 235, and he does so, while wearing a special suit because of the radiation. He puts the uranium into the bomb and has it moved over to the craft service table.

    Moving on, Stephen tells us about the news that a Spanish-language version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" has been made to coincide with the Senate's debate on immigration legislation. This terrible sign of un-Americanism brings us to tonight's edition of "The Word", which is "English". Stephen says English is the official language of the United States. For pete sake, God wrote the Bible in English for a reason! Stephen's so upset about this, he's calling for a boycott of everything Spanish.

    Back from commercial, Stephen introduces another installment of "Better Know A District". We examine the eleventh district of Georgia, which is currently represented by Congressman Phil Gingrey. They talk about gay relationships, gays getting drivers licenses, and the war in Iraq.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Sebastian Junger. They get right into a discussion on the book Mr. Junger penned, which is a story about a big murder during the time of the Boston Strangler. Mr. Junger says that the Boston Strangler, Albert DeSalvo, worked in his house for six months, when he was a child. He confessed to a number of murders, except for the one which Mr. Junger writes about in his new book.

    Back from commercial, Stephen reminds everyone about his nuclear bomb and then warns Joe Scarborough about his desire to acquire yellow cake uranium.

    I thoroughly enjoyed tonight's episode; it's one of my favorites in recent weeks. The whole bomb bit was funny, especially when Stephen forgot to plug it in. The interview was surprisingly good. Although it lacked some of the typical humor, I found the interview to be very interesting. Mr. Junger's book sounds very intriguing.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (4)

    • Stephen Colbert: To make tonight's show more memorable, I've composed the following jingle, this is The Colbert Report.

    • Stephen Colbert: Tonight, the Star-Spangled Banner is trasnlated into Spanish, making it that much more difficult for us to remember the words.

    • Stephen: Hannity & Colmes have the bomb!

    • Stephen: ...brings us to tonight's Word: English! As in the official language of the United States of America. (For now) If we surrender our national anthem to Spanish, where does it end? Next thing you know they'll be translating the Bible. God wrote it in English for a reason. (Wanted it taught in public schools) Folks, they're already coming after our children, look at this: [video of "Plaza Sesamo"] It's called "Plaza Sesamo" and I for one don't want to know how to get there. (Piss-me-off Elmo) First of all, I've said it a million times, romance languages lead to pre-marital sex. (Chicks dig accents) Plus, English is the universal language. (Sorry, Esperanto) Children in China, Russia, Japan, India they're all learning it. (From Kanye West videos) Meanwhile these spandanistas are leading our kids in the opposite direction. (South) Pretty soon our mothers will be "madres" our apple pie will be "torta de manzana" and tacos will be el foldy bread. Well tonight, I'm declaring a boycott on all things Spanish. (Except 1/5th of Soledad O'Brien) Don't learn it, don't speak it, in fact, don't use any foreign words that have infiltrated our vocabulary. (From the French "vocabulaire") Most importantly, when you sing the national anthem, for God's sake sing it in English. Don't fall prey to the Jimmy Smits-ocracy that says you can sing songs in any language. (I'm look at you, "It's a Small World") How would Hispanics like it to hear one of their songs in a foreign tongue? Latin America, from now on, your beloved "La Bamba" is "The Bamba." How's that taste? (Picante) Well, you asked for it, and the next time try asking in English.

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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