The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 40

Sen. Gary Hart

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Mar 27, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Sen. Gary Hart
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of The Shield and the Cloak : The Security of the Commons, former Senator Gary Hart!

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  • Stephen stops selling his seed online.

    The show opens with a teaser of content from the show, which involves everything from the Iraq war to the Christian convert in Afghanistan.

    Stephen starts off tonight's show by mentioning some disappointing news. It seems that his new product, his seed, which he launched on his website, has had too much of a demand, so he's decided it to be a seasonal product.

    Moving on, Stephen turns his attention to illegal immigrants who have been protesting changes to the laws on immigration. He then shows clips of two Senators talking on the Sunday morning talk shows, and it seems a million illegal immigrants snuck across the border within 30 minutes. Stephen suggests that if this rate continues, the entire population of Mexico will be here within four days.

    Moving on, Stephen takes a look at the first lady's fitness routine. Stephen opposes the revealing of the first lady's fitness routine, which is to have brisk walks.

    Moving on again, Stephen introduces another edition of "The Word," which is "Tense." This has to do with the war in Iraq and Time magazine's question about whether the war WAS worth it.

    Back from commercial, Stephen asks the viewers of the show to write a letter to the judge who's overseeing Jack Abramoff, and ask him to cut Jack a little slack..

    Moving on, Stephen introduces this week's edition of "The Threatdown". Number five is drug dealers because twelve people have been arrested for selling marijuana-laced foods and soda. Number four is packaging because of "wrap rage." It turns out thousands of people are injured while trying to open up packages because they're difficult to open. The third top threat is Jane Goodall, who is opposed to taking grizzly bears off of the endangered species list. Stephen suggests Jane should stick to the group of animals she knows best, apes. The second top threat is dolphin sex. This is an odd one, but it seems a female dolphin was seem crying while a dolphin was having sex with her. The number one threat this week is Jesus. In Stephen's eyes, Jesus is jeopardizing President Bush successful war in Afghanistan because of the man in Afghanistan who converted to Christianity.

    Back from commercial, Stephen welcomes tonight's guest, Gary Hart. Their interview touched on many subjects such as the war on terrorism, environment, energy needs, etc.

    I was quite pleased to see "The Word" and "The Threatdown" return after a bit of a hiatus. My favorite part of tonight's episode was a very brief moment when Stephen was talking about selling his seed on the website. You could tell Stephen was having a good time with it.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen: Join us tomorrow night when I'll be joined by former FEMA Director Michael Brown... weather permitting.

    • Stephen: In the future you'll be able to inject this program directly into your eyeballs. The future is now.

    • Stephen: This question brings us to tonight's Word: Tense. In this case past tense, as in, I used to subscribe to Time magazine. (56 issues for just $15.99!) First of all, "Was it Worth It?" implies that it is over. Last time I was in Iraq, (Spring break, Basra '92) folks, we had 135,000 troops there. I can't think of a war that's less over. (War on Drugs?) Saying was draws a line at the bottom of the Iraqi equation and asks us to calculate the war's worth, based only on what we know now, but there are more numbers coming in every day. (2323 and counting) It's like asking for the check in the middle of the meal. (Let's dine and dash) We haven't even seen Iraq's dessert menu yet. (Just apply bombs directly to our thighs) We can't ask this question yet.

      Of course, the magazine is called Time, it's possible they have a time machine so they can go into the future where questions like this can legitimately be asked. (Also, "Mommy, what was snow?")But if they had a time machine, wouldn't they just go back to 2000 and stop President Bush from being elected? It's so clearly what they want. (Also, must kill Sarah Connor) At this point in time there are only two questions that can be legitimately asked. Is this war worth it? Answer: Hell yes. (To Halliburton) And, at some point in the future: Will this war have been worth it? (Ask President Frist) But you know, if the truth be told, (Why start now?) we shouldn't be asking any of these questions. Because questioning the war while it's still being fought gives comfort to our enemies and undermines our troops. And we must support our troops in every way, (Short of bringing them home)

      And that's the Word.

  • NOTES (0)


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