The Colbert Report

Season 5 Episode 49

Susie Orbach

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 14, 2009 on Comedy Central
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Susie Orbach
Tonight Stephen welcomes psychotherapist and author of Bodies, Susie Orbach. Also, Stephen talks with NASA's Deputy Chief, Astronaut Office at the Johnson Space Center, Sunita Williams about the naming of the new node on the International Space Station.
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      • Stephen: Tonight: The government tries to regulate small loans. You know, it's not the size of the loan, it's how you default on it. And NASA will announce the name of their space node. I'm so excited I could burst, unless that's just the alien in my chest. Then my guest Susie Orbach wants us to rethink the way we view our bodies. Fine, but I cannot fit anymore mirrors in my bathroom. Hey, Navy SEALs! Why don't you take a crack at Captain Morgan? That guy made me feel like I was captive in a boat for five days. This is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: Well, there may be a way for regulation and the free market to get along, and it's the subject of tonight's Word: Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too. Folks, these days credit is harder to come by then a brunette on FoxNews. (Doocy's carpet doesn't match the drapes) But there are options. Sure, it's tough to get a loan from Bank of America, but there's plenty of credit available from Bank of Shifty Looking Armenian Guy in a Tracksuit. You'll get your money Eshkhan! Another great source of quick cash, payday loans. If you need money now, you can borrow against your next paycheck at an annual interest rate of only 400 to 800 percent. That is a great deal for anyone who gets a weekly 2000 percent pay raise. (Somali pirates?) Now, Illinois Democratic Congressman Luis Gutierrez has introduced the Payday Loan Reform Act of 2009. Now Gutierrez used to want to ban payday loans, but now he sees the better choice is reasonable regulation, and he's changed his mind for the best possible reason: (He's an Illinois politican) He simply had no choice. According to Gutierrez these payday companies are "…very powerful. Their influence should not be underestimated." And he should know, a payday loan company was the largest contributor to his re-election campaign, giving over $10,000. Now, they meant to give only 20 dollars, but out of habit, charged themselves the usual interest. (Now must pawn their Congressman)

        If Gutierrez's reform act passes, it will end the era of 800 percent interest rates, they'll be strictly limited to 780 percent. Finally the little guy gets a fair shake. (And the big guy gets to shake him down) Now folks, I like this bill because it legitimizes the payday loan industry by dragging it out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight. Now when someone is charged with 780 percent interest, they'll still feel like a debt pineapple is being hammered up their ass, but they will have the comfort of knowing that that pineapple meets the strictest federal guidelines. (Unless the ass pineapple lobby objects) And folks, this is a great example for regulation everywhere. I say we must stop the reckless dumping of dioxin into our nation's waterways with a bill that limits the dioxin you can legally dump to 5,000 barrels a day. You know what? Make it 7500, I don't want to tell the dioxin dumpers how to run their business. (They're a sponsor) The point is, there is no reason we can't regulate harmful practices in a way that pleases everyone. (From lobbyists to those they lobby) Because if there's one thing that's clear, this bill shows us it's the industry's cake, and that consumers can eat it. ( Have your cake and eat it, too)

        And that's the Word.

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