The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 67

Ted Daeschler

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM May 18, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Ted Daeschler
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the Assistant Curator and Chair, Vertebrate Zoology at the Center for Systematic Biology & Evolution, Ted Daeschler!

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: For every Superman out there, there's also a Green Arrow. The little guy who can't fly or bend steel but still makes a contribution, in this case by being pretty good at archery.

      • Stephen: When I was in high school, prom night was much more innocent. Especially for me since I did not go to prom. I felt the theme of our prom, 'She Blinded Me with Science,' was a slap in the face of people of faith.

      • Stephen: And the answer is tonight's Word: Libya. The United States has just normalized relations with Moamer Kadhafi after 25 years, and not a moment to soon for fun seekers. (And crude oil seekers) Yeah sure, we've had our problems with Libya in the past, (You call this a flag?) they've done a few things, they've blown up our airlines, we've bombed them. (Tit for explosive tat) We used to think their leader Moamer Kadhafi: President for Life and quote: "Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Arab Libyan Popular and Socialist Jamahiriya" (Huge business cards) was crazy, what with his elite cadre of beautiful female bodyguards. Now we realize he's just a lovable eccentric, kind of like Prince. And sure he rules with an iron fist and crushes all opposition, but that's just Moamer being Moamer. (He's a great guy once you get to be him) And hey, if you're traveling and you love beaches, good news because Libya's got hundred of miles of white sand. (Dunes stretch all the way to Sudan) And even if it rains there's plenty to do indoors. (Four star secret prisons) The whole family will love it, (Tell Kids "Aladdin" filmed there) and Libya's especially appealing to military families. (Because it's not Iraq) Tell you what, you throw Mexico in the package and you can literally go from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli. (Semper Fun!) And who do you have to thank for the chance to take your Libyan dream vacation? (Priceline?) The Bush administration. Sure some say the rapprochement started in 1999 during the Clinton Presidency, (Clinton big on "approachement") but it's got all the hallmarks of the Bush administration: sanctions and diplomacy. Yes, after years of sanctions Libya's gave up terrorism suspects, paid compensation to the families of victims and announced it was ridding itself of weapons of mass destruction. (Sold them to Iran) It just proves the President's deeply held belief that when there's a dangerous authoritarian Arab regime, led by a madman with dangerous weapons and links to terrorism, there are always peaceful solutions. (If they didn't try to kill his dad)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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