The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 119

Thomas Friedman

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Sep 24, 2007 on Comedy Central
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Thomas Friedman
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Tonight Stephen welcomes New York Times columnist and author of The World is Flat [Updated and Expanded]: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century, Thomas Friedman

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (6)

      • Stephen: If you've noticed a certain rosey glow about my skin recently, it is because of the vat of rage I've been soaking in thanks to MoveOn.org's General Betray Us ad. Ha ha ha, it's funny because it's treason!

      • Stephen: One small step for me, one giant leap for me-kind. This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: My guest is columnist Tom Friedman, author of The World is Flat. What about mountains? Boom! Nailed him!

      • Stephen: This courageous legislation brings us to tonight's Word: Na na-na na na na. Nation, our political leaders number one duty is to protect our soldiers, (#1A: Fundraising) and folks this ad was a direct attack on General Patraeus, and nothing is more fragile than a four star general's feelings. (Except unarmored Humvee) Of course, Republicans know how to respect war heroes. During the 2004 Presidential campaign they put aside partisan rancor and honored the three Purple Heart's John Kerry earned in Vietnam by wearing purple heart band-aids on their cheeks. So it's no surprise they understand how crucial it is to protect our military leaders from being taunted. (Pentagon lacks "I'm rubber, you're glue" technology) That's why it was so important Donald Rumsfeld had to fire General Shinseki before the war. It was far too easy to call him "General Titsaggy." (They why stick with "Colon Bowel"?) I mean what, folks, what would the 300,000 troops Shinseki said we'd need to invade and then pacify Iraq have done then? (Pacify Iraq?)

        The bright side of all this is that MoveOn has inadvertently given us a devastating new weapon. We need to turn the destructive capability of name calling on America's enemies. From now on we're not fighting Al-Qaeda in Iraq, we're fighting "All-Gayda in the sack." That will smoke them out of their holes. And we still don't know where Osama Bin Laden is. (Pakistan!) I mean, we've looked everywhere. (Except Pakistan!) But if we call Osama bin Laden "Yo Mamma's Big Hard On," we could follow the sounds of sobbing to his secret cave. (The one in Pakistan) So I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to the Senate for reminding us that words can hurt. (Also, bullets) And we need to protect our men, I'm sorry, our man in uniform. Oh, and to Senator James Webb, whose proposal to give our troops more time at home between deployments, was defeated by the Senate on Wednesday….na na-na na na na! (Na na-na na na na)

        And that's the Word.

      • Stephen: If Old Yeller had any balls, he would have shot back.

      • Stephen: Tonight, Iran's president speaks at an Ivy League University. Fine with me, as long as they don't let him enter America!

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Stephen: One small step for me, one giant leap for me-kind!

        When Neil Armstrong first stepped onto surface of the moon on July 20, 1969, he said, "That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind."

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