The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 136

Tim Robbins

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 31, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Tim Robbins
Tonight Stephen welcomes actor and politcal activist Tim Robbins.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen: Tonight, I've got something better for you than candy; my opinions. But be careful! Some of them may contain razor blades.

      • Stephen: …and it's tonight's Word: Thanks, Gays! Thank you very much! Your sense of style is impeccable, but your timing is even better. One week from the election the Republicans were foundering and some conservatives were even advocating voting Democrat to punish the GOP for not delivering on its campaign promises. (Jesus has not come back) But then we got a court ruling that opens the door for gay marriage and suddenly the Republicans tent pole issue is once again "tent pole." (It's morning in America) This is a gift wrapped October surprise. (Elton John tickets?!) See the problem with gays is too often they are being gay in the privacy of their own home. So if nothing really gay happens for a while everyone forgets about how gay they're being. (Totally gay) To really stop the homosexual agenda we need periodic advances in gay rights like this court ruling to remind the base what's at stake here. (Control of Congress) Let's be clear, if we let these gay rights people start make laws, it won't end in New Jersey, no, there'll be man on man weddings everywhere. (Hard enough to book a hall as it is) America, even in your home town. I'm not talking tasteful private ceremonies, I'm talking parades with floats, throbbing disco music and she-males tying the knot on pre-school playgrounds! (Tag, you're gay!)

        And you know folks, you know how gays are always asking for things like gay adoption? Well that's not and equal right, that's a special right, us non gay people have to straight adopt. Next they're gonna demand more special rights like gay tax cuts and gay parking spaces, they'll paint those little blue signs pink and make the handicapped crawl. Then they'll ask for crazy things like health insurance for domestic partners. (Al least someone will have it) And then folks, there's the ick factor. You know what I'm talking about. Yesterday in Georgia the President made it clear:

        [Video: President Bush: We believe that marriage is a union between a man and a woman and should be defended!]

        Stephen: Sorry sir, not enough ick. You see Mr. President you've got to explain to people exactly how this gay marriage thing would actually affect their lives. So nation, look me right here, go ahead, make eye contact. We all know, if we allow gay marriage some day some shaved, oiled, muscle bound he-man in leather straps will carry your only son over the threshold into their honeymoon suite and then that animal will hump your boy from Hell to breakfast! (Over-easy and sunny-side-up) Okay, okay? Is that image in your mind, like a hot match dropped between the wet lobes of your brain that just hisses and pops and won't go out!? Let that picture brand your soul! Keep it in your mind! Now go vote.

        And that's the Word.

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