The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 24

Tony Campolo

Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Feb 27, 2006 on Comedy Central
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Episode Summary

Tony Campolo
TONIGHT: Stephen Colbert welcomes the author of Adventures in Missing the Point: How the Culture-Controlled Church Neutered the Gospel, Tony Campolo!

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (3)

    • Stephen Colbert: Demon of facts, be gone!

    • Stephen Colbert: ...which brings us to tonight's Word: Trial Separation. State, you tried living apart from church, but now it's time to admit it was a mistake. (Are you listening, Charlene?) You're miserable. I know there's been a troubled relationship between Church and State in the past, (See Hundred Years War) but when have walls helped a relationship? (Except between U.S. and Mexico) You know, any therapist will tell you, in a healthy relationship, you lower your walls so that together you can build a bigger wall around both of you. (Works for Bush and Cheney) And, hey, America, God's not going to wait forever. (Just and Eternity) He's got a lot of other attractive governments out there, (Spiritually, Iran has six-pack abs) governments that aren't ashamed to be seen with Him. They open the door for Him. (Treat Him like a lady) You are taking Him for granted and someday He'll be gone. And then what are you going to do America? Go out and find a new Supreme Being? Face it most of them are jerks. (Shiva is all hands)

      Do you really think there's somebody better out there than the all knowing, all loving, all powerful creator of everything? I think somebody's standards are a little bit too high. (Holding out for a doctor) Look, we're friends, so I'm gonna be straight with you State: You're over 200 years old. You're not the fresh young face that turned God's head back in the 18th Century. (Plus, you're fat) You know, don't worry about what Thomas Jefferson would say. We don't need to take advice from a guy who didn't believe in Jesus, lived in an octagonal house, and banged his slaves. (While wearing a wig) You know, pop the question already. (Why do bad things happen to good people?) No, not that one. Just commit to him, put the 10 Commandments in our court rooms. (Free ride's over, Ass-Coveters) Put prayer back in our schools. (Please God, no pop quiz) And, you know, do something crazy. He'll just love. (Holy Water in our public pools?) And it doesn't have to be all at once. I'm not suggesting that the government jump back into bed with religion, let's just open up a dialogue and get to know each other. (In the Biblical sense)

      And that's the Word.

    • Tony Campolo (about combining Church and State): It's like putting together ice cream and horse manure. It doesn't hurt the manure but it ruins the ice cream.
      Stephen Colbert: Ben and Jerry's make that, it's called Secretariat.

  • NOTES (0)


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