The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 85

Tony Hawk

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 11, 2006 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Tony Hawk
AIRED:
Tonight Stephen welcomes skateboarding legend Tony Hawk.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (2)

      • Stephen Colbert: I have two video games out: "Stephen Colbert's Escape from Skateboard Mountain", and "World Of ColbertCraft" which for marketing reasons takes place on Skateboard Mountain.

      • Stephen: …which takes us to tonight's Word: Psychopharmaparenting. It's a darn good thing more kids are being medicated. The article says they're quote: unpredictable, hostile, extremely agitated and prone to aggression and mood swings. (Teenagers) Luckily there are drugs on the market that treat everything that makes raising kids a pain in the butt. (Namely the kids) Just so we're clear, medicating kids isn't coddling them, it's a cutting edge form of discipline. (Spare the med, spoil the child) You see, for years parents and school marms were limited to spanking childrens butts, now we're spanking their brains. (They're spanking their monkeys) Now having a kid on meds is like having a kid with adjustable knobs, ("This child goes to 11") so you can turn down the volume turn up the obedience and one day, science permitting, switch off the gay. (Switch hitter) Now I'm no doctor, I don't know the long term effects of medicating our childrens brains twice a day for ten years of their early development, (Neither do doctors) but I do know the long term effects of this on the pharmaceutical industry: Fantastic. You know, the pharmaceutical industry is like a child, compared to things like farming and coal mining, it's in its infancy. (The terribly profitable twos) And the pharmaceutical industry needs our help to reach its potential, its dream, the dream that these children on prescription drugs will someday grow up to be happy, prosperous adults on prescription drugs. And if there are any parents out there who still have qualms about medicating their children, I'm sure they will come up with a drug to treat that too.

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (1)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
        One of the graphics used during the "Stephen R.A.P.S." segment features one of the TMNT riding on a skateboard over the words, "Cowabunga Dude!".

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