The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 47

Vali Nasr

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Apr 11, 2007 on Comedy Central
8.9
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Vali Nasr
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Tonight Stephen welcomes the professor of Middle East and South Asia politics and author of The Shia Revival: How Conflicts within Islam Will Shape the Future, Vali Nasr.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: The Colbert promise: If you don't like this show, your money back! Cables fees not included. This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: Should soldiers be paid for their war stories? If so, I owe grandpa a couple hundred grand.

      • Stephen: …and that brings us to tonight's Word: Season Pass. That's what you set your TiVo to when you don't want to miss a single episode of a show. Now I'm no fan of reality TV, anything that makes stars out of ordinary people takes money out of the pockets of extraordinary people like me. I didn't get this job because I won some stupid contest, (Has "candid" pics of Jon Stewart) no. But I think the Colonel has stumbled onto a brilliant new plan, we make the war a reality show. (Still safer that Real World: Denver) In fact, the military has already set up their own channel on YouTube. (www.youtube.com/MNFIRAQ) This site promises to quote: "…give viewers around the world a "boots on the ground" perspective of Operation Iraqi Freedom from those who are fighting it." But don't worry, they promise not to show any "Overly graphic, disturbing or offensive material." This is just what I've been waiting for, a war my kids can watch. (Lindsay vs Paris too horrific) The problem here is once you get on YouTube you tend to watch nothing but that bulldog on the skateboard. [Watching video] Oh look at him, he is a bulldog and he is on a skateboard. Adorable. So to really get an audience for these guys we have got to put this war on primetime. ("According to George") Right now over 60% of Americans believe the war is not going well, (Premise isn't believable) but imaging folks how popular Iraq will be once it's not just about life and death but about who might win a million dollar modeling contract! ("Project Run Away!") Even the losers would have a parting gift. (Post traumatic stress disorder) People would not only tune in, they'd sign up. The Army is having a real problem finding volunteers but people line up around the block to volunteer for American Idol, just imaging if we gave those people guns. (Simon would be nicer) Plus making the war a TV show would give it some much needed structure. Let's face it, right now Iraq is kind of vague, we're not sure what the rules are. Here's a question a lot of people are asking: When does America win? (Jan. 20, 2009) So far there's no clear cut victory, but as a reality show there'll be a winner every season, (Blackwater) and there'll probably be a lot of seasons, I doubt the show will get cancelled anytime soon. In fact, this show could be so popular some of the troops might get their own spin-off. (Iran)

        And that's the Word.

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