The Colbert Report

Season 3 Episode 84

Vincent Bugliosi

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jun 21, 2007 on Comedy Central
8.7
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Vincent Bugliosi
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Tonight Stephen welcomes prosecutor and author of Reclaiming History: The Assassination of President John F. Kennedy, Vincent Bugliosi.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: Should condoms be on your TV? If they are, you're using them wrong.

      • Stephen: Does coming on my show help your career? Its sure done wonders for mine.

      • Stephen: It's a courageous decision that brings us to tonight's Word: Porking. That is lewd slang for making monkey butter. Now I immediately saw what's creepy about this add. No, it's not he whiff of bestiality, hey, we've all written Island of Dr. Moreau fan fiction. No the problem with this ad is that it doesn't stress preventing disease. A Fox executive explained: quote: "Contraceptive advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy." Exactly! Pregnancy is not a health issue! (For men) Now, Trojan wants us to believe this sick ad is about responsibility, telling the New York Times "The pigs are a symbol of irresponsible sexual behavior and are juxtaposed with the condom as a responsible symbol of respect for oneself and one's partner." "Responsible?" The only way for this commercial to be responsible is for the woman to marry the pig-boy and get pregnant ending with the beautiful image of a young mother nursing a litter of man-swine. ("The other white teat") Now, I understand folks, I understand that sex plays an important role in our economy. It's used to sell shaving cream, body spray, beer, cars, chewing gum, that's okay, because none of those things prevent pregnancy. (Especially beer) But using sex to sell actually sex? That's a dangerous precedent. (It's a lubricated slope) Trojan must advertise condoms that prevent disease without also advertising that they prevent pregnancy. How? ( A lot of winking?) Well, I have the answer: My new line of condoms. They're just like regular condoms, whisper thin latex, providing protection from sexually transmitted diseases. But lubricated with Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 Premium Man Seed. CBS, Fox, you're going to love the commercial: Hot women in a bar full of aroused bald eagles. ("Let the eagle score…")

        And that's the Word.

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