The Colbert Report

Season 2 Episode 93

William Donohue

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 25, 2006 on Comedy Central
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William Donohue
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Tonight Stephen Welcomes the president of the Catholic League, William Donohue.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (4)

      • Stephen: (about "Good Morning America" saying a Congressman made a mistake by coming on the show) I was so furious that I changed the channel — and that's bad news, ABC. My limo is a Nielsen household.

      • Stephen: (on stem cell research) Great idea. We'll destroy all the embryos. Life for a life. Some must die so that others may live. You know who else feels that way? Dracula.

      • Stephen: I regret that I have but one half hour to shout at my country, this is the Colbert Report.

      • Stephen: The answer is tonight's Word: Opposite Day. Folks, President Bush doesn't read polls, (Or anything else) he has never cared if he wins popularity contests. (Or popular votes) And you know, that's a good thing because he's tremendously unpopular. (Cheney always picks him last for dodgeball) His poll numbers are so low that other politicians are now no longer afraid to disagree with him. (Just afraid to be photographed with him) In fact, now, they'll disagree with anything he says and that's a great advantage. The President must harness the fundamental power of his unpopularity, ("Nucular" power) to get the policies he wants, all he has to do is promote the opposite. Take gay marriage, (And my lesbian wife, please) right now he's trying to ban gay marriage by banning it. If he really wants to ban it, he should be for it. I'm picturing the President performing a wedding ceremony between George Michael and Harvey Fierstein during the Superbowl halftime show. If he did that, gay marriage would not only be outlawed but the penalty would be unthinkably harsh. (Forced to watch Superbowl halftime show) And you know folks, the President has come out strongly for a Constitutional amendment on banning flag burning. (Against that flaming too) From the way he's trying to stop it, you'd think he was for it. To get the flag burning amendment through the President should just propose that we run our cars on burning flags. That's a twofer, American's would automatically reject burning flags and alternative fuels. (Star-spangled Hummer) Finally Mr. President, Iraq's in a civil war, a lot of people want to bring the troops home. You say you're gonna bring them home and everyone will panic and keep them there. Wait no, forget that, it's too big of a risk. You could end up with a civil war in Iraq and our troops back home, and that would be bad. (Opposite Day)

        And that's the Word.

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