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The Colbert Report

Season 4 Episode 138

Yo-Yo Ma

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Oct 27, 2008 on Comedy Central
8.6
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Yo-Yo Ma
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Tonight Stephen welcomes multiple Grammy Award winning cellist Yo-Yo Ma, promoting his new CD Songs of Joy and Peace.

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    • TRIVIA (1)

      • Waterloo is a place in Belgium close to where Napoleon Bonaparte suffered his deciding defeat by Wellington's (and Blücher's) troops in 1815 which ended his rule as Emperor. Waterloo became the name of the battle and subsequently synomymous with the suffering of a major defeat.

    • QUOTES (5)

      • John McCain (video clip): Two weeks from now you will see this has been a very close race and I believe that I'm gonna win it!
        Stephen Colbert: You hear that? John McCain guarantees victory! And there is no better place to guarantee victory than Waterloo! (Shows map with Waterloo, Iowa indicated)

      • Stephen Colbert: I am not worried. McCain may be behind but the man is a fighter! This man doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit'. He used to but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.

      • Stephen: Tonight: Dissent within the Republican Party. John McCain demands to know the full extent of his relationship with Sarah Palin. Then: My Alpha Dog of the Week. Where do I find them? I run an Alpha Dog puppy mill. And my guest is world renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma. He's here to talk about his new album, the soundtrack to High School Musical 3. Hey Dunkin' Donuts! America does not run on Dunkin'! You guys owe me a new gas tank! This is the Colbert Report!

      • Stephen: Anything can happen folks, and I mean anything. Just look at NBC's electoral map…. Go back to the map, toss up states are in yellow and according to NBC, how much of a toss up is North Carolina? It is now Virginia! If North Carolina is Virginia, who the Hell knows what Virginia is now? South Maryland? East West Virginia?

      • Stephen: This right wing nerd herd thinks that the Republican Party is dead in the water, but the truth is tonight's Word: It's Alive! It's Alive! Now folks, everybody knows I'm a big fan of mobs. To me there's no more flattering light that 10,000 torch wielding peasants. (Formerly "The Middle Class") Now McCain/Palin rallies have become haunted houses of tales of terror about Barack Obama, (Bowl of "eyeballs" really just peeled grapes) but now conservative intellectuals like David Brooks, Peggy Noonan and David Frum have begun to publicly distance themselves from the McCain/Palin campaign. Which Noonan called: "A symptom and expression of a new vulgarization in American politics." "A new vulgarization", madam? Excuse me, some of us have worked hard to vulgarize politics for years. By the way Peggy, nick rack. David Brooks is even more out of line, calling Palin: "…a fatal cancer to the Republican party." Excuse me David, I think you meant to say: A fatal cancer to the Republican Party with pizzazz. And David Frum, a recovering Canadian neo-con, who authored President Bush's axis of evil speech, last week said this on my show.

        [Video: David From: If my party says we're going to be the party of Sarah Palin, if we're going to be a rural, white, rump…We don't have much of a future…]

        Stephen: For the record, Mr. Frum, the rump of a rural white is the tenderest part, (Also the largest part) and while the Boo-Hoo-acracts pull a pity party over the state of the Republican body politic, they seem to have forgotten what the Republican Party's body was made of. (Sugar and spice and Condoleeza Rice) We know it's many different body party stitched together: Fiscal conservatives sutured onto Christian fundamentalists, held together with a patchwork of neo-con foreign policy hawks, then in 2000 they bolted George Bush's head on and brought it to life with 10,000 volts of gay people want to marry your baby! (On a burning flag) Now, for the record folks, I'm not saying intellectuals like Noonan and Brooks and Frum are Dr. Frankenstein, (He eventually felt remorse) no, Dr. Frankenstein is not even in the Republican party...anymore. I believe he is now an analyst for FoxNews.

        No, they are not Dr. Frankenstein, I am just saying, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, that they are hunks of dead flesh sewn into the walking corpse of the Republican Party. Think about it, it could not have lived without they, they were vital organs. Noonan was the larynx, she has long given voice to the monster. Who can forget her 2004 column: Fire bad, Bush good. Brooks was, let's say, the kidneys because he processes the creature's waste into New York Times editorials. And Frum, well based on this quote from 2005 quote: "Karl Rove was right when he charged: 'Conservatives see the United States as a great nation engaged in a noble cause; liberals see the United States and they see…Nazi concentration camps.'" I would have to say Frum was the balls. (Or the anus) Now maybe these turncoats just don't like who the monster has chosen for its bride [Sarah Palin]. Or maybe they're horrified by what it's done to Igor. [John McCain] But the point is they have known the score all along. They're happy to support using fear to frighten the villagers into giving tax cuts to the guy who owns the castle. (Technically owned seven castles) And they would gladly go along with creation science as long as it would help them create a new regime in Iraq. (Monkey could have planned it better) But now they are rejecting this thing that they have long helped exist, whatever the reason, they are suddenly afraid. (Afraid it's not working this time)

        And that's the Word.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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