The Colbert Report

Season 5 Episode 99

Zev Chafets

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Aired Weekdays 11:30 PM Jul 23, 2009 on Comedy Central
8.4
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Tonight Stephen welcomes social critic and author of Cooperstown Confidential: Heroes, Rogues, and the Inside Story of the Baseball Hall of Fame, Zev Chafets.
Today
9:45am
COMEDY
11:30pm
COMEDY
Tuesday
1:30am
COMEDY
11:30pm
COMEDY
Wednesday
1:30am
COMEDY
11:30pm
COMEDY
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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (3)

      • Stephen: Evidently folks, evidently, Bill Gates is devising a plan to cool the warm water on the ocean surface that fuels oncoming hurricanes. We can't let Bill Gates control the weather ...no matter what weather he tries for, there is a good chance everything will freeze.

      • Zev Chafets: The Hall has a rule, it's called Rule 5, I don't know why because there's no rule 1 through 4, that says…
        Stephen: Really? I like that.
        Zev: That's a discovery, right?
        Stephen: They're not kowtowing to big math.

      • Stephen: So what are the thing that happened in the past that these greats did that were not held to the same standards?
        Zev Chafets: Well ballplayers have always used steroids and substances that they could use
        Stephen: What substances? There weren't substances back then.
        Zev: Oh yes. In 1889 a pitcher who's in the Hall of Fame ingested monkey testosterone to improve his game.
        Stephen: In 1889 he ingested monkey testosterone? Willingly? Or was this the monkey's idea? There were a lot of organ grinders back then, monkeys could get on the lam, monkeys could get loose. What did he hope to do with monkey testosterone and where can I get some?
        Zev: Well he hoped to improve his pitching, which he actually did because he won the game that he pitched after taking the monkey testosterone.
        Stephen: Is that common?
        Zev: You know, he's remembered for it.
        Stephen: Oh yes, he'll be remembered for little else now.

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