Vanessa: There is no fun in my life!
Cliff: As you get older, it gets worse.
Vanessa: Daddy, it's not fair. Everybody gets to go but me!
Cliff: Vanessa, how many times have you begged us to take you to a scary movie, and then you ended up being so scared that you had to come and sleep with us?
Vanessa: Only twice.
Cliff: Hundreds of times!
Vanessa: Not hundreds!
Cliff: Not twice!
Cliff: (singsong) I'm going to the phone, you better stop me before I get there, I have the phone, I'm holding the receiver in my hand, I'm going to call them.
Cliff: (dials) It's ringing, you better pray they're not home, they're answering, hello Mrs. Meiser, Dr. Huxtable here...uh--why am I singing? (talks normal) Sorry...listen, did you let Janice see "Deathtrap2000"? Uh-huh, I thought so, no, thank you! (hangs up) She did. You know what that means?
Cliff: Nothing, you're still not going.
Theo: (Describing Cliff's movie pick) It wasn't realistic.
Cliff: Excuse me Mr. My girlfriend's in the building, throw in an H-bomb she comes out and her hair isn't even singed, says that my movie was not realistic.
Cliff: What did I tell you about pushing your sister?
Vanessa: I'm just hurrying her along.
Cliff: That's fine, she's only 5 now, but she IS going to grow up and she MAY get into body building. And then she'll track you down and say "Remember all the times you used to push me around?" and clean your clock!
Cliff: (On the phone with Denise's boyfriend) Hello, Freddy? I'm going to hang up now, you can keep talking if you want to.
Denise: This wouldn't happen if I had a phone in my room.
Cliff: If you had a phone in your room, we would never see you again. Then you would come out one day, and we would wonder who you are, and charge you rent.
(Claire describes the shootings, stabbings, explosions, and vulgar language in the movie Theo went to see)
Claire: That didn't bother me, no problem, what bothered me was when we left the theater, all those boys were laughing at it.
Theo: It was fun.
Claire: See? We have one in our own home, and we feed it.
Cliff: (To Theo) The reason you think it's fun is because you don't know any better. Now next week, we're going to the old classic theatre and see a movie.
Vanessa: How come Mom took Teddy to see Deathmaster 2000 and not me?
Cliff: Because you can't handle anything scary, I know it, you know it. I read for you when you were little, Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep, and you cried for two weeks.
Cliff: (to Rudy) Did you call your sister a baby?
Rudy: No. I called her a chicken baby.
Cliff: Vanessa, go up to your room, play with your sister and stay away from her.
Vanessa: She called me a baby.
Rudy: I did not!
Vanessa: Did too!
Rudy: Did not.
Cliff: Hey! Stop it! Stop it! (Rudy keeps talking and arguing.) Stop! Stop! Stop it.
(Covers up Rudy's mouth.)
Starting with this episode, the rest of the season 1 opening sequences are shorter.
Michael Jackson's Thriller album can be seen next to the record player in the living room.
Vanessa for the second time refers to Theo as Teddy.