Moment of Zen: Congressman arguing that the monkey law is not an important issue but necessary to avert a potential tragedy that could strike your family
Jon Stewart: ...and do you think anybody really knows what they are doing in terms of getting something done, cause there is a big plan on deck but I have no idea how it will all work.
Brian Williams: However, in the area of monkey legislation, Jon, we have an unparalleled position on this planet.
Jon Stewart: You are dominating the nightly news. Nobody, uh, has the ratings that you have in the news business. You have the best news!
Brian Williams: Thank you.
Jon Stewart: People are saying that now.
Brian Williams: Thank you.
Jon Stewart: Dominating.
Brian Williams: Thank you, Jon.
Jon Stewart: It's almost embarrassing, it's a man amongst children.
Brian Williams: Well, thank you. And you know, I feel equally about you and pretend news casts.
Jon Stewart: That's very kind of you, thank you.
Brian Williams: No, that's from here, Babe (Bumping his fist to his heart).
Jon Stewart: Your pretend heart.
Brian Williams: Yes.
Jon Stewart: So, what were these Congress people doing in the middle of "State of the Union" address? They are literally... imagine them in a famous speech ...
Brian Williams: Yeah...
Jon Stewart: ... Kennedy is giving his "I am a Berliner" , he's in the middle of that ... they are going like (imitates twittering on a mobile device) "I feel like I'm cold." And they look up and say "What did he say? He ate at Hallow Berlin?"
Brian Williams: A 200 pound chimp in an inappropriate relationship in Connecticut has caused them to jump on monkey legislation, and you're expressing surprise?
Jon Stewart: I've been reading your blog. You have the "Daily Nightly".
Brian Williams: Yes, thank you.
Jon Stewart: Here is what surprises me...
Brian Williams: I don't think you are telling me the truth, go ahead.
Jon Stewart: I'm surprised that it's not a little more hard news and a little less Jonas Brothers gossip. I'm a little surprised...
Brian Williams: That's funny! Like I can't have a different dimension?
Jon Stewart: Show another side of yourself...
Brian Williams: Like I can't find the middle on cute?.
Jon Stewart: Of course it wasn't all talk shows and love poetry for Clinton. There were the requisite anti-American protests. (Shows video clip of shoes thrown against a poster saying "Hillary Not" with a picture of her head on top) What's with the shoe throwing? Don't people burn effigies anymore? What, is shoe throwing like "Twitter", everybody is doing it?
Jon Stewart: The "Captive Primates Safety Act". So at least this debate will move quickly.
Rep. Rob Bishop (video clip): I do rise in opposition of HR. 80, known as the so called "monkey bite bill".
Jon Stewart: Really? Really? You're against the "monkey bite bill"? Rob Bishop of Utah, why would you possibly object, what's your angle?
Rep. Rob Bishop (video clip): Just to clear the deck, make sure that everything is up front, ... I own no monkeys.
Jon Stewart: Is this really happening? (Pinches his wrist.) Pinch. The distinguished Comedian from the state of New York moves that from now on every member of Congress must preface their floor remarks with the phrase "just to clear the deck, I own no monkeys!"
Jon Stewart: As the nation and our government struggle to overcome what are truly generational challenges, it's important to be mindful that Congress has never faced more urgent or more important business.
Del. Madeline Bordallo (video clip): This bill amends the Lacey act amendments of 1981 to prohibit the import, export, transportation, sale, receipt, acquisition or purchase in interstate or foreign commerce of non-human primates ..
Jon Stewart: Uh, ah, uh, what? Congress woman I have waited a long time to say this to you ... stop with the monkey business.
Jon Stewart: It's not "Thunder Road," because that would be too cliche...
"Thunder Road" is the opening track of Bruce Springsteen's classic 1975 album Born To Run. It is also on his Greatest Hits album, which was released in 1995.
The caption "Eastern Promises" is a reference to the 2007 David Cronenberg film of the same name.
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