Jon Stewart: The General had a cautionary word for those who are impatient with the surge.
General David Petraeus: (clip) Our experience in Iraq has repeatedly shown that projecting too far into the future is not just difficult, it can be misleading and even hazardous.
Jon Stewart: Don't criticize the surge because no one can know what's going to happen, unless your talking about not sticking with the surge.
General David Petraeus: (clip) A rapid withdrawal would result...in disintegration of Iraqi security forces...rapid deterioration of local security initiatives...al-Qaeda in Iraq regaining lost ground...a marked increase in violence...further ethno-sectarian displacement...and exacerbation of already challenging regional dynamics, especially with respect to Iran.
Jon Stewart: (appears confused) But that's what happened when we went into Iraq. Wait a minute, going in is the same as leaving. My God it's a wormhole! No wonder we can't do it. It's a Moebius Strip. If you go in it's a disaster, if you leave it's a disaster, M.C. Escher, help me.
(Talking about guns)
Jodie Foster: I just don't think that that kind of power should be in the hands of feeling human beings. Maybe robots or something.
Jon: Yes! I saw RoboCop. What could go wrong?
John Hodgman: You probably know my best-selling book. It's called Are You On TV? No? Then Shut Up.
Moment of Zen: Clip of the Senate waiting for General Petraus' mic to be fixed.
The lead-up to General Petraeus' report includes clips of a battle scene from Mel Gibson's 1995 film Braveheart.