The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Season 11 Episode 85

John Dean

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Aired Weekdays 11:00 PM Jul 11, 2006 on Comedy Central
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John Dean
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Tonight: Former Nixon legal counsel and author of Conservatives Without Conscience, John Dean.

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      • Lewis Black: So Kim Jong Il launched a missile into the Sea of Japan and I though I was the only freak who spent the 4th shooting rockets into his neighbors pool! Now Japan is rattling its nun-chucks and threatening North Korea with a military strike. And I for one am glad to see the country that brought us Pearl Harbor get its groove back. Japan used to be Asia's preeminent military power, then we disarmed them and they rose to become our main economic threat. Now China has the factories, North Korea has the weapons and the biggest threat coming from the Japanese is the annoying ringtone. Uh! Drives me crazy! How far have they fallen? Well I can show you some clips that make the Japanese look foolish, like this: [Purification ritual] or this: [Escaped bear drill] or this: [Clip from Hey! Spring of Trivia]. But why show those when I can show Japan's Prime Minister in Memphis just eleven days ago doing this: [Trying to sing Elvis] I'll say something I've never said before: Gee, doesn't President Bush look dignified, standing next to that other world leader? There's still one area where Japan still rivals the great superpowers. On the same day of the missile launch, Japan's Takero Kobayashi won his sixth straight July 4th Nathan's Hog Dog Eating Contest, eating 54 dogs in twelve minutes. Thou I may remind you it will take more than 150 pound guys with their freak stomach to knock America off it's perch as the world's fattest nation! U! S! (Pants, out of breath) Oh boy. Kobayshi's success embodies the strange paradox that is Japan. What other country has a whole class of obese athletes who are quick and agile, while the sumo team manager can wolf down an entire frozen food section? Still, I hope Japan's tough stance on North Korea helps mark a new era on self respect. No so much for its sake [Japan PM dancing like Elvis] but for Elvis's.

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