Steve: I'm gonna make you cry now. No! Don't do it! You're gonna ruin it!
([Jon rubbing his nipples)
(Steve starts rubbing his nipples too)
Steve Carell: How do you spell your last name again?
Jon: Oh, it doesn't really matter cause it's not really my last name.
Steve Carell: Oh.
Jon: It's actually just something real jewy. Which is spelt J-E-W-Y.
Steve Carell: Nice
Jon: I was like, Holy *beep* Steve has kids!
Steve Carrell (when he and Jon are together): We never talked!
Jon Stewart (on gaffe of the republican senate nominee): That was Janine Pirro observing thirty two seconds of silence in memory of the premature death of her campaign.
Jon Stewart: Do you have a report to file?
Steve Carell: I don't file reports anymore. I do movies.
Tonight's ridiculous title for a correspondant was for Ed Helms - "Senior Western White House Correspondent".
Tonight's Moment of Zen was a clip with Katherine Harris talking to Sean Hannity.
Texas Scold'Em is a take on a type of poker, Texas Hold 'Em.
Ranch Stressing was a little take on Ranch dressing.
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