The Dick Van Dyke Show Season 1 Episode 14

Rob: Doggone, if only Buddy hadn't been so nasty.
Sally: Oh, he couldn't have been nastier if he made a living at it.
Rob: Make a living at it? Sally, that's it! Let's hire somebody nastier than Buddy.
Sally: I thought Jack the Ripper was dead.

Sally: (to Buddy) It's just like my mother always said: The sun isn't always shining just because there are sparrows.
Buddy: What's that supposed to mean?
Sally: I don't know, but ain't it pretty?

Mel: My hand.
Jackie Brewster: Really? Is that your hand? Why, it looks more like five fat worms!
Mel: I beg your pardon!
Jackie Brewster: Why? You can't help it if you have worm fingers.

Jackie Brewster: For the last couple of years, I've translated the works of Shakespeare into Pig Latin.

Mel Cooley: Well, who's he?
Jackie Brewster: See, he knows me already.

Jackie Brewster: Never been in a nightclub? I hate him already.

Mel Cooley: Look, look, don't you know who I am?
Jackie Brewster: Don't you know who you are?