Fred drives over the George Washingstone Bridge.
This time the company is called Slate Sand & Gravel Co.
Fred: I told Wilma how she can economize and save 500 bucks a year on the grocery bill alone.
Barney: Oh, you gonna cut out your midnight raids on the icebox?
Fred: No, I'm gonna cancel the big food disposal unit Wilma was expecting-- her mother. She eats like a 7-year locust, only she comes here every 7 months.
Barney: You're lucky, Fred. Look at poor Harvey Boxite. He's been married 12 years and his mother-in-law only visited him once.
Fred: What's so bad about that?
Barney: She came the day after they was married, and never left.
Fred: Wilma, where's the sport section of the newspaper?
Wilma: I think Mr. Gypsum took it.
Fred: Wilma, where's the last bottle of Rocky Cola I was saving?
Wilma: I think Montague took it.
Fred: Wilma, where's that magazine I was reading?
Wilma: I think Monty took it.
Fred: Oh, Wilma, where's that bottle of rat poison?
Wilma: Fred, you can't!
Fred: WELL, HE'S TAKEN EVERYTHING ELSE!
Barney: Yes, sir. I always say a couple of good nights sleep will straighten anybody out, except you, Fred.
Barney: Gee, your eyes look like someone pried the covers off two cans of red paint. Hey, uh, didn't you get any sleep last night either?
Barney: That's three nights running. You got insomnia.
Fred: No, I got a house guest.
Barney: What's that got to do with it?
Fred: Did you ever try sleeping in a rocking chair without a safety belt?
Barney: How come you slept in a rocking chair?
Fred: Because Wilma was sleeping on the couch.
Barney: Well, how come Wilma was sleeping on the couch?
Fred: Because J. Montague Gypsum was sleeping in both our beds.
Barney: Both beds? How come?
Fred: Because J.M. Gypsum got a bad back from sleeping on the couch, so now he has to sleep on the bias across two beds pushed together because Wilma feels sorry for him, AND BECAUSE I'M A BIG STUPID NUT!
Fred: All right, all right. Where's Wilma?
J. Montague Gypsum: Oh, you're back. You left in such a hurry, I didn't have a chance to tell you. Both of them left. Mentioned something about tired of being cooped up.
Fred: What did you say to Wilma? You made'em leave. You did it.
J. Montague Gypsum: What are you talking about, Ferdy?
Fred: The name's Fred. And I'm talking about my razor, my aftershave lotion, my smokes, my robe, my slippers, and a whole case of Rocky Cola. And when are you leaving?! That's what I'm talking about!
J. Montague Gypsum: Dear, boy. You have to expect these little annoyances when you have a house guest. I find you quite abominable, too, but let's make the best of it, shall we? We're both in this together.
Fred: What do you mean "both together"?
J. Montague Gypsum: Don't you remember? You saved my life, Ferdy.
Fred: The name's Fred! So let's call it even. You don't owe me anything.
J. Montague Gypsum: Ah, but you owe me something. I was perfectly willing to jump off that bridge, and you stopped me. Therefore, my life is your responsibility.
Fred: You mean you're not ever going to leave?
J. Montague Gypsum: Why should I? I've got food, shelter, and shaving lotion. Everything I need but a pinch of oregano. Waddle down to the store and get me some, will you, Fred?
Fred: The name is Ferdy!
(Fred and Barney enter an Aquarium and see a man-eating barracuspid fish)
Barney: Hey, pretty fierce looking, huh, Fred?
Barney: Fred? What do you think?
Fred: Nah. After seeing Gypsum tear up 10 pounds of sturgesarous steak Friday, I wouldn't give this fish an even chance with him.
This episode was recorded on 9-1-61.
The title is a parody of the 1960s series This is Your Life.