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Before I say goodbye to season 2, a little note from myself and other contributing users:

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Also, there is going to be a lot of swearing, if you are easily offended do not continue.

Joe kicks off the finale with a bang, (literally), by killing the preachers son after threatening to kill Mike, and I am disappointed already - and this disappointment is further reinforced when Mike starts screaming at the top of his lungs "Kill him Ryan!"

I'm sure all the hostages who are being held at gunpoint and surrounded by explosives would be fine if Ryan killed Joe.

There would be absolutely no implications on their well being if this happened.

Mike is a fucking idiot.

Anyway, Joe lets Hardy know that he is aware that Claire is alive, and the possibility that she is walking into a trap.

So instead of worrying about the various civilian hostages, Mike, all the heavily armed nutbags, the explosives and his nemesis, Ryan decides to phone Claire - LEARN TO PRIORITIZE YOU SHAVEN CHIMP!!

Luke answers and after a bit of banter he lets Hardy know he can have Claire back if he brings him Joe "Or I'll cut off her face and wear it for Halloween" - I am now very angry!.

Not for Claire - I couldn't care less about that goofy bitch.

But because the threat is just so lame. Halloween is MONTHS away!

At this point Joes followers - and even Mike! EVEN MIKE! - are telling him to kill Mike, but Joe wants to wait for his soul mate (Hardy, not Claire) to be found.

I would just like to point out that if Mike does die at any point, this will be my reaction:

After a brief trip to the FBI command center, - just to tell us they couldn't find a way in yet -, we cut back to the church.

Ryan takes 30 SECONDS - I timed it - to subdue a guard, disable one of the bombs and unpadlock the doors - BECAUSE NOW THAT CLAIRE IS IN DANGER HE IS SUDDENLY MOTIVATED!.

All those hostages, even his protege are in fear of their lives = nothing
Claire is in danger = NO TIME TO WASTE!!

After informing Max that he is giving the FBI not one, but TWO breach points, we immediately cut to Hardy just yanking the wires away from another bomb on the other breach point.

Because when you're Ryan Hardy, diffusing a bomb is just this easy.

Its at this point that Hardy receives a message:

Claire is drunk and sent Ryan a selfie.

No wait...my bad...Luke sends Ryan a picture of Claire with an address.

As the armed response units assemble, Ryan gives himself up and we finally get the opening credits...

Max slips out of the command center just before Ryan breaks the camera, (held by Team Shortbus' cheerleader), that is live streaming everything that is happening inside the church - which is a REALLY dumb move, because:

a) He has set up 2 breach points, with lots of heavily armed agents who could probably use all the information they can get
b) The chubby chick now has her hands free to pick up a gun.

And then Hardy PUNCHES the chubby girl - and yes...I laughed ;-)

It turns out that Ryan stopped the live stream so he could talk to Joe - informing him that the twins have Claire and they can only save her if he joins Team Rogue...and he agrees.


Claire, the woman he sent Emma and Robert to kill in the last episode, is now the woman Joe is going to help rescue.

This episode was written by Kevin Williamson. I now wonder if he is on crack.

The FBI cut the lights and Team Rogue make their exit, (via what may have been Joe's planned escape route), as Joe's followers meet their bloody end.

They meet up with Max outside who has some burner phones and got them a car - and she did all of this in about 3 minutes....sigh.....as this is the finale, I'll allow it.

On the way to the car, this guy turns up:

Who is not creepy at all, just standing there, with his lifeless doll eyes.
I'm sure this is not important.

Mike and Max stay behind, while Ryan and Joe make their getaway.

One of the few highlights of the episode is the conversation between Joe and Ryan in the car - the chemistry the two leads have is probably the main reason I haven't abandoned The Following.

However the guy from outside the church turns up and frees Joe by running them off the road, thus ending the besties banter.

(I was TOTALLY wrong about him being "just" a bystander - oh my.....what a great twist)

His reward? Joe kills him.....obviously.

The pair make their way to the van....supporting each other, (Awwww, isn't that sweet)

Oh and just 1 thing:

The van that rammed them off the road is totally unscathed. (this annoys me - its either sloppy directing, poor continuity or a lack of respect for the viewer)

They turn up at the twins mansion, and stumble upon a room very similar to the shrine Ryan has for Joe in his apartment - only there are a lot less soiled tissues around the place.

Luke's voice emanates from somewhere - a speaker system? - and he informs them that this is where he and Mark planned everything (So it turns out that these two mommas boys are apparently criminal geniuses = NO, just no. This is a stretch too far).

Our dynamic duo are lured into a trap because of Claire's mewling and get gassed for saving her. (if only they had let her die)

Joe and Ryan wake up tied to some chairs for another one of the twins dinner parties. Luke informs Joe of Emma's demise at Claire's hands - this still does not rule her out of season 3 - and the party really starts when the drinking games begin

The twins want Joe to apologize for insulting their mommy, and when he does his reward is the threat of a torturous death over the course of 18 months or so.

They then turn on Ryan, who they think killed Lily, and he accepts the blame.

But Joe has a plan, which involves manipulating Luke to get his chair closer to the table, (and a knife), while basically telling the truth:

*Ryan has killed more people than Joe
*Ryan has corrupted Mike to his evil ways
*Ryan has ruined Max's career.

So Joe gets the knife and starts loosening his bonds, but needs more time. So he lets the twins know what drives Hardy - a need for redemption for murdering his fathers killer.

Then things get really fucking weird.

The dinner party turns into some sort of group therapy / intervention scenario AND THEN HE AND MARK ACTUALLY BOND!!!

FUCK RIGHT OFF. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, just go straight to writers jail Kevin Williamson.

Thankfully the B team (Mike and Max) turn up and end the weird therapy session with a hail of gunfire, hitting but not killing Luke.

In the melee Joe and Mark escape, Luke takes Claire as a shield while the B team enter the room, free their leader before going in pursuit.

As Luke is dragging Claire away, she surprises him and escapes.

Mike catches up with Mark and after winning a scuffle, basically brags about killing Lily. Luke turns up and hits Mike with a plank - an entire mansion and the only weapon he can find if a plank? - and then Mark explains that Mike is the one who killed their mom (Which is weird, because surely he could overhear Mike bragging about it literally seconds before).

As he is about to kill Mike with his trusty plank, Max shoots him several times - and his death face is priceless:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... sniff... HAHAHAHAHAH... heh...heh... dipshit.

Mark flee the room with Luke's body - possibly for another dinner party - and Max enters the room, AND THEN THROWS HER GUN ON THE FLOOR to check on Mike.

I was so hoping Mark would just walk up behind her and wallop her with Luke's plank, but it didn't happen.

Claire bumps into Joe and is extremely rude to him and then her alcoholic boyfriend, who reeks of vodka, turns up, blindsides Joe and pulls a gun on him - this actually happened. Watch the scene again.

But, after all Hardy's "I'm gonna kill Joe", "Joe will die at my hands", "I'd kill Joe given half a chance" speeches, he is apparently too drunk to pull the trigger and instead opts to take him into custody.

The end result of Ryan Hardy's incredible second season obsession and eventual capture of Joe Carroll = CLAIRE DUMPS HIM!

You went out of your way to bring her back, brought the bitch back from the dead, inflicted her terrible, fucking mindless plan on us - and then she dumps him?


And then:

The B Team hook up - which everyone saw coming.

And then :

Because Ryan is a bitter alcoholic, who is still buzzed from his vodka binge, he breaks up with Joe.


But I can actually see this relationship being rekindled at some point.

In a rather depressing scene, Ryan ends up at home, alone, eating Chinese takeaway in his dimly lit apartment, before trudging into his even dimmer bedroom, to sleep in that giant bed, all alone.


Only to be woken up by the worst wet dream ever:

The season ends with Mark meeting up with a truck, placing Luke's body in the backseat and telling the driver "Thank you for coming. I didn't know who else to call"


* NO explanation of how the twins found Claire at the hotel in the last episode.

*R.I.P. Team Shortbus.

*WHY BRING CLAIRE BACK? There must have been a saner way to keep Joe alive.
Why not just have the twins kidnap Emma and Max somehow. Then Joe and Ryan can still work together

*Do you think we have already met the truck driver? Or will it be someone new for season 3? I swear to God, if its Emma, I'll hunt down Kevin Williamson, and do various horrible things to him with a cheese grater and hot glue

*Will Ryan truly be able to quit Joe?

*Is Luke really dead?

*Do you really believe the dipshit brothers were the brains of the operation?

*Was I only one who laughed when Hardy punched the chubby chick?

*What are your hopes and dreams for season 3?

* The Airplane joke:

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