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Before I say goodbye to season 2, a little note from myself and other contributing users:

“I have a request. If you liked reading this post, please give it a heart, either on the top right side or bottom left side of the post. Please do this for all the (featured) posts from all the writers you read and like. It is the reward for us (non-paid amateur) writers who try to make this site more fun for us all. In this way we know it is appreciated what we do and we will keep on writing.”

Also, there is going to be a lot of swearing, if you are easily offended do not continue.




Joe kicks off the finale with a bang, (literally), by killing the preachers son after threatening to kill Mike, and I am disappointed already - and this disappointment is further reinforced when Mike starts screaming at the top of his lungs "Kill him Ryan!"

I'm sure all the hostages who are being held at gunpoint and surrounded by explosives would be fine if Ryan killed Joe.

There would be absolutely no implications on their well being if this happened.

Mike is a fucking idiot.

Anyway, Joe lets Hardy know that he is aware that Claire is alive, and the possibility that she is walking into a trap.

So instead of worrying about the various civilian hostages, Mike, all the heavily armed nutbags, the explosives and his nemesis, Ryan decides to phone Claire - LEARN TO PRIORITIZE YOU SHAVEN CHIMP!!



Luke answers and after a bit of banter he lets Hardy know he can have Claire back if he brings him Joe "Or I'll cut off her face and wear it for Halloween" - I am now very angry!.

Not for Claire - I couldn't care less about that goofy bitch.

But because the threat is just so lame. Halloween is MONTHS away!

At this point Joes followers - and even Mike! EVEN MIKE! - are telling him to kill Mike, but Joe wants to wait for his soul mate (Hardy, not Claire) to be found.

I would just like to point out that if Mike does die at any point, this will be my reaction:



After a brief trip to the FBI command center, - just to tell us they couldn't find a way in yet -, we cut back to the church.

Ryan takes 30 SECONDS - I timed it - to subdue a guard, disable one of the bombs and unpadlock the doors - BECAUSE NOW THAT CLAIRE IS IN DANGER HE IS SUDDENLY MOTIVATED!.

All those hostages, even his protege are in fear of their lives = nothing
Claire is in danger = NO TIME TO WASTE!!

After informing Max that he is giving the FBI not one, but TWO breach points, we immediately cut to Hardy just yanking the wires away from another bomb on the other breach point.

Because when you're Ryan Hardy, diffusing a bomb is just this easy.

Its at this point that Hardy receives a message:




Claire is drunk and sent Ryan a selfie.

No wait...my bad...Luke sends Ryan a picture of Claire with an address.

As the armed response units assemble, Ryan gives himself up and we finally get the opening credits...




Max slips out of the command center just before Ryan breaks the camera, (held by Team Shortbus' cheerleader), that is live streaming everything that is happening inside the church - which is a REALLY dumb move, because:

a) He has set up 2 breach points, with lots of heavily armed agents who could probably use all the information they can get
b) The chubby chick now has her hands free to pick up a gun.

And then Hardy PUNCHES the chubby girl - and yes...I laughed ;-)

It turns out that Ryan stopped the live stream so he could talk to Joe - informing him that the twins have Claire and they can only save her if he joins Team Rogue...and he agrees.

OF COURSE HE FUCKING DOES!

Claire, the woman he sent Emma and Robert to kill in the last episode, is now the woman Joe is going to help rescue.

This episode was written by Kevin Williamson. I now wonder if he is on crack.

The FBI cut the lights and Team Rogue make their exit, (via what may have been Joe's planned escape route), as Joe's followers meet their bloody end.




They meet up with Max outside who has some burner phones and got them a car - and she did all of this in about 3 minutes....sigh.....as this is the finale, I'll allow it.

On the way to the car, this guy turns up:




Who is not creepy at all, just standing there, with his lifeless doll eyes.
I'm sure this is not important.

Mike and Max stay behind, while Ryan and Joe make their getaway.

One of the few highlights of the episode is the conversation between Joe and Ryan in the car - the chemistry the two leads have is probably the main reason I haven't abandoned The Following.

However the guy from outside the church turns up and frees Joe by running them off the road, thus ending the besties banter.

(I was TOTALLY wrong about him being "just" a bystander - oh my.....what a great twist)

His reward? Joe kills him.....obviously.

The pair make their way to the van....supporting each other, (Awwww, isn't that sweet)

Oh and just 1 thing:




The van that rammed them off the road is totally unscathed. (this annoys me - its either sloppy directing, poor continuity or a lack of respect for the viewer)

They turn up at the twins mansion, and stumble upon a room very similar to the shrine Ryan has for Joe in his apartment - only there are a lot less soiled tissues around the place.

Luke's voice emanates from somewhere - a speaker system? - and he informs them that this is where he and Mark planned everything (So it turns out that these two mommas boys are apparently criminal geniuses = NO, just no. This is a stretch too far).





Our dynamic duo are lured into a trap because of Claire's mewling and get gassed for saving her. (if only they had let her die)

Joe and Ryan wake up tied to some chairs for another one of the twins dinner parties. Luke informs Joe of Emma's demise at Claire's hands - this still does not rule her out of season 3 - and the party really starts when the drinking games begin





The twins want Joe to apologize for insulting their mommy, and when he does his reward is the threat of a torturous death over the course of 18 months or so.

They then turn on Ryan, who they think killed Lily, and he accepts the blame.

But Joe has a plan, which involves manipulating Luke to get his chair closer to the table, (and a knife), while basically telling the truth:

*Ryan has killed more people than Joe
*Ryan has corrupted Mike to his evil ways
*Ryan has ruined Max's career.

So Joe gets the knife and starts loosening his bonds, but needs more time. So he lets the twins know what drives Hardy - a need for redemption for murdering his fathers killer.

Then things get really fucking weird.

The dinner party turns into some sort of group therapy / intervention scenario AND THEN HE AND MARK ACTUALLY BOND!!!

FUCK RIGHT OFF. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, just go straight to writers jail Kevin Williamson.

Thankfully the B team (Mike and Max) turn up and end the weird therapy session with a hail of gunfire, hitting but not killing Luke.

In the melee Joe and Mark escape, Luke takes Claire as a shield while the B team enter the room, free their leader before going in pursuit.

As Luke is dragging Claire away, she surprises him and escapes.

Mike catches up with Mark and after winning a scuffle, basically brags about killing Lily. Luke turns up and hits Mike with a plank - an entire mansion and the only weapon he can find if a plank? - and then Mark explains that Mike is the one who killed their mom (Which is weird, because surely he could overhear Mike bragging about it literally seconds before).

As he is about to kill Mike with his trusty plank, Max shoots him several times - and his death face is priceless:



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... sniff... HAHAHAHAHAH... heh...heh... dipshit.

Mark flee the room with Luke's body - possibly for another dinner party - and Max enters the room, AND THEN THROWS HER GUN ON THE FLOOR to check on Mike.

I was so hoping Mark would just walk up behind her and wallop her with Luke's plank, but it didn't happen.




Claire bumps into Joe and is extremely rude to him and then her alcoholic boyfriend, who reeks of vodka, turns up, blindsides Joe and pulls a gun on him - this actually happened. Watch the scene again.

But, after all Hardy's "I'm gonna kill Joe", "Joe will die at my hands", "I'd kill Joe given half a chance" speeches, he is apparently too drunk to pull the trigger and instead opts to take him into custody.




The end result of Ryan Hardy's incredible second season obsession and eventual capture of Joe Carroll = CLAIRE DUMPS HIM!
WHAT A BITCH!
......................
FUCK YOU WILLIAMSON, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!

You went out of your way to bring her back, brought the bitch back from the dead, inflicted her terrible, fucking mindless plan on us - and then she dumps him?

FUCK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING MUCH.

And then:




The B Team hook up - which everyone saw coming.

And then :




Because Ryan is a bitter alcoholic, who is still buzzed from his vodka binge, he breaks up with Joe.

WHAT A BITCH!

But I can actually see this relationship being rekindled at some point.

In a rather depressing scene, Ryan ends up at home, alone, eating Chinese takeaway in his dimly lit apartment, before trudging into his even dimmer bedroom, to sleep in that giant bed, all alone.

:-(

Only to be woken up by the worst wet dream ever:




The season ends with Mark meeting up with a truck, placing Luke's body in the backseat and telling the driver "Thank you for coming. I didn't know who else to call"





STUFF

* NO explanation of how the twins found Claire at the hotel in the last episode.

*R.I.P. Team Shortbus.

*WHY BRING CLAIRE BACK? There must have been a saner way to keep Joe alive.
Why not just have the twins kidnap Emma and Max somehow. Then Joe and Ryan can still work together

*Do you think we have already met the truck driver? Or will it be someone new for season 3? I swear to God, if its Emma, I'll hunt down Kevin Williamson, and do various horrible things to him with a cheese grater and hot glue

*Will Ryan truly be able to quit Joe?

*Is Luke really dead?

*Do you really believe the dipshit brothers were the brains of the operation?

*Was I only one who laughed when Hardy punched the chubby chick?

*What are your hopes and dreams for season 3?

* The Airplane joke:

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I think the truck driver is Mike's old man coz he will be the last person we ever guess.
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Best recap ever! Nice job :)
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much love for your recaping. terrible end to what was looking like a better series than the first one. the final 2 episodes had holes bigger than Emma's lady parts.
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HA!

I love the show its a guilty pleasure BUT your recap is amazing :D

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How Mark was able to drag his brother's corpse out and escape I will never know. I will admit this show is like junk food... it's like here's a thing! watch it! but with out Emma i don't think i can continue

Unless the driver at the end is Roderick... who was so under utilized for pretty much doing ALL the masterminding for Joe so he could write his stupid book. Roderick actually kind of resembles the twins... relation?

I certainly hope Ryan got reprimanded for jeopardizing all those peoples lives and taking all those unauthorized actions... cuz boo Team Rogue... it's getting ridiculous
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Hey, that reminds me. When Joe prayed with the preacher back in episode 2 or 3, he didn't seem to particularly hate religion. Joe pretended to pray, and he didn't scream at the hillbilly minister that he was having sex with a prostitute while (presumably) preaching against immoral behavior.
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*Was I only one who laughed when Hardy punched the chubby chick?
No - I loved it, Ive been waiting for that
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I watched this ridiculous finale, and all I can say is: "Kill me now!" I've watched both seasons of this show, and I really wanted to believe that it would heal itself and become better than it was when it began.

So much for that wasted belief! If this show were money in my bank account, I'd be in desperate need of a handout!

Ryan is the most inept "hero" of any show on television (with the possible exception of Olivia Pope from Scandal). He runs around without any real plans, killing anyone in his path (with no repercussions), and somehow manages to stumble into Joe in the most absurd plot lines ever devised. He has never impressed me as someone who was very smart, and the writers make it so obvious with their utterly idiotic scenarios.

Everything about this show seems like it's hatched in the moments just before filming starts. And I'm speaking as someone who is fully capable of suspending disbelief to the point of bending over backwards to "accept" a story line that challenges the imagination (after all, I am a fan of Scandal as well...lol).

Joe in season two, in my opinion, was a cartoon caricature of Joe from season one. The show would have been better leaving him dead, and letting Emma and Lily be the "big bad's" of season two. It just so happens that they killed the two people that made season two interesting (IMHO).

My problem with season two:

Mandy's character was a waste!

Season two Joe was a waste! I've never gotten past the idea that he faked his death from season one, but never involved his most trusted followers in on it, (especially Emma!). His plan was to fake his death and live on a farm with a woman and her daughter with no contact with anyone, and no infrastructure by which to reestablish his rule???? He stumbled his way from point "A" to point "B", and seemed to be making it up as he went alone.

Clair was a waste... (Natalie Zea needs to return to Justified and become a badass in the mode of Ava Crowder! Why do writers feel the need to make her insufferable?????? She has the tools to be dynamic!)

Mike was homicidal to the point of being intolerable! (Unless you're an old school action star with a role in Stallone's Expendables, you need to be a little less maniacal!)

I liked Max, but felt she wasn't given enough screen time to shine. Time wasted on Clair's resurrection could have been spent building Max's profile,

The twins started off well, but, at some point became as ridiculous as all the other victims of the writers ridiculous need to write a ridiculous finale to a ridiculous season.

But, that's just my opinion....





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Who picked up Mark on the finale of season 2? Was it Emma? Ummm!!


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One positive thing i CAN say about the Following s2..it was better than S1.
I know that's not saying much. The funny thing about this show is that the material is awesome but the story/plot/writing that is put on screen is just blah..I've never felt that Joe and Ryan were properly portrayed as two sides of the same coin..Yet it was constantly forced upon me..OH well S3 will not needed but i probably return just to see if there is any improvement..I guess i'm a follower!! Praise Joe!!
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With Hardy they could of had a dream sequence with the twins dancing Footloose over Claire corpse !

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Any chance they could look for new sponsors for the following season 3 sponsors (Annadin, Jack Daniels or more die hard fans Tennants Super Extra)
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or Kleenex....for Hardys long lonesome nights without Claire, Carrie or Joe
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what about the other cockblocker or has she gone screwed another agent for another story P.S, I miss the beard
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Grumpyclown I will miss your reviews of this comedy....sorry, sorry, serious tv show. I hope they make a third season just so we can more of your reviews. However, I am actually shocked that my premise appears to be on the cusp of happening.......Joe becoming (sort of) the good guy whilst Hardy is most definitely teetering on the precipise of nutjob serial killer.

Next season Hardy will have killed the zombie claire - let's face it there's NO other explanation for how this woman won't STAY DEAD, Godammit! - been cockblocked further into insanity by her resurrected ghost (I can't see her ever letting him have an active sex life again and it would explain why Joe went bonkers in the first place), he will now decide to start slaughtering anyone he feels failed him this season....so, pretty much everyone then.

Joe will have to be released to help catch him.......whilst masquerading as a parolee on animal rescue duties so as not arouse suspicion (or anything else) with Hardy. Cue the cute kittens and puppies I have previously mentioned. Thereby showing the sharp fall of Hardy with the rise of Joe.....perhaps they can even call the next season that - 'the Rise of Joe Carroll.....dun, dun, duuuuuuuunnnnnn!'

I will now go and lie down in a dark room and increase my meds........
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I think Joe will get released into Hardy's care and the show will veer off into an Odd Couple remake
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Oh no; it can't be that - not unless they start serial killing together with Hardy moaning about the mess that Joe's making with all the blood.......
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"NO explanation of how the twins found Claire at the hotel in the last episode."

They did'nt find her it was coincidence. They were were surprised to see her last week but pleased at the turn of events. This week they explain that Lily owned the property which explains their presence.

"What are your hopes and dreams for season 3?"

That a show god decides there will be no season 3.

Thanks for all the reviews and the laughs you gave me Grumpyclown!:)

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Glad you enjoyed
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I found it infuriating (and funny) that in the scene where Joe and Ryan arrive at the twins mansion after reading their dinner invitations they enter the house and Joe slams the door with a resounding thud.Then they do the stealthy tv we have to be quiet and alert entrance dance peaking out from behind walls and pointing their guns in the direction they are looking.

I would like to thank the tv.com staff for having the good sense to bring us Grumpyclown's wonderful wrap up each week.A tip of the hat to you Grumpyclown for countless laughs in your reviews and may someone from UTD have grown a glorious beard for this season.
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The Beard...sigh...such fond memories...
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Oh and like I was already long winded enough. I need to address Grumpy's "Stuff" section.....
* NO explanation of how the twins found Claire at the hotel in the last episode.
This bothers me. Like nails on a chalkboard. What if Emma called them? What if they actually saved her? People live from stab wounds all the time.
*R.I.P. Team Shortbus.
Sniff sniff.
*WHY BRING CLAIRE BACK? There must have been a saner way to keep Joe alive.
Why not just have the twins kidnap Emma and Max somehow. Then Joe and Ryan can still work together
That would have been way better! Or Carrie? WTH happened to her?
*Do you think we have already met the truck driver? Or will it be someone new for season 3? I swear to God, if its Emma, I'll hunt down Kevin Williamson, and do various horrible things to him with a cheese grater and hot glue
I do not think we've met the truck driver. I do not think it was Emma. I think it could be Hannibal. ;) All kidding aside, Remember Joe's teacher? Remember how he said Joe wasn't his best student? What if it's the best student?
*Will Ryan truly be able to quit Joe?
No. He will have to hunt down Mark.
*Is Luke really dead?
Yes.
*Do you really believe the dipshit brothers were the brains of the operation?
No, could be Best Student.
*Was I only one who laughed when Hardy punched the chubby chick?
Nope.
*What are your hopes and dreams for season 3?
No Claire. Emma comes back. Joe and Hardy team up. "A Smarter FBI". And finally Grumpyclown Reviews because you are the best! Thank you!
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What if they actually saved her? -
I forgot to mention Emma

They seemed to imply her body was under the sheet

Carrie - Ryan didn't actually break up with her, or did he?

Best student driver theory - anything is possible on this show

Season 3 reviews - depends on whether TV.com reviews it. If they do, I'll comment but won't recap. If they follow the pattern of this season - review premiere, then drop it - I'll pick up on episode 2
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Wait....I don't remember seeing that. It could have been Robert. Yea Hardy never broke it officially off with Carrie. He just said I'll call you later. Ultimate diss.
And I hope TV.com follows the same pattern or better yet they hire you to write the reviews! :)
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Emma - it happened during the phone call near the start. Luke and Ryan were chatting, Luke mentioned that Joe had sent Emma and Robert to kill Claire.
Mark is covering a body with a sheet, and I can't see him doing that or Robert
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One heck of a way to close out the season Grumpy! Ok, where to start.....
As enjoyable as this season finale was I couldn't help how disjointed it felt from the rest if the season. I know we are suppose to accept the fact how randomly things happen in this show but I felt like there was too many "coincidences". Like no explanation on how the Twins showed up at the Inn, no Carrie Cook and Joe all of a sudden needing to save Claire (with Ryan). I know Claire was the common interest in getting Ryan and Joe together. Joe did discuss her and when he did I got the feeling he regretted she died but he was ok with it. So for him to all of a sudden to snap out of his rampage stupor and switch gears to save his beloved just felt odd. On the other hand he probably saw it as an opportunity to escape the shit storm he created but why give "the nod" to Radom Bystander to only kill him? Was it to establish trust between him and Ryan? If so how could he possibly know where he was going and that he'd need a rescue? Argh! I've gone crossed eyed thinking about it too much! Need to check my brain because I did say I enjoyed it.....
The highlight of the evening was Joe at dinner basically calling out Ryan. He said all the things we've said here! Every now and again the writers accept how ridiculous this show is and decides to let the audience know "We know that you know". The second Hardy decided not to kill Joe I knew Claire was going to dump him. So selfish of her. Yeah Maxton kissed and I got warm fuzzies. I think Max in a way will be the force that saves Weston. Yes I just got mushy.
Speaking of mushy...I felt so sad for Joe when Hardy dumped him. What no breakup hug? You're cold Hardy, cold.
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Max and Mike get together - which one will be kidnapped or murdered in season 3?
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Mike. Then it's Max's turn for revenge.
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Thank you being there to sort through that lack luster season finale. So much to say WTF about but lets just jump right to the crux of everything that short-railed this season - the finale becomes all about Claire. Yes the beautiful Natalie Zea took center stage for an hour that ended with her dumping him. Here is Ryan Hardy - 'Psycho Killer' - and he shows the first progress he's ever shown in becoming less homicidal and showing serious consideration to settling down for her and their alleged son. And then that dipshit dumps him? That's is some cold as ice sh!t for the chick we were suppose to be rooting for. These writers hate women. They did everything in their power to make Claire look like the most despicable piece of crud to ever be found in this episode. Did Natalie Zea just look at the writers and say, Yeah, I'm with you, she's a bitch let's roll with it. I mean she was the most evil person in that episode, am I wrong? Joe was all smiles and cuddles in handcuffs. I realize they had to make a tension between Ryan and Claire that could come to f' with his relationship to reporter chick and Joe next season but I'm sorry. The only possible response from Ryan Hardy the second she dumps his ass is him slicing her throat with his car keys and then he just jumps in the van with Joe and the two men share an embrace that would have ended up as a piece of television history. Lazy f'in paint by numbers writers.

So what of LIly Grey, Mandy, Joe's mentor, Pastor 'Ed', FBI mole and her lover, the whore who tried to keep Joe out of the media, Korban and his dumb wife, the flock of morons who followed Korbran who followed Joe all of which were killed by Joe and the rest just gunned down Waco style by Federal Agents.... None of these people's memories will live any further. What is season 3 going to be about . Nothing lingering other than half the twins but I'm banking they're going 'Helena' with that and twin 2 ain't dead - maybe the actor will figure out what he is doing by then.

This show really just needs to quit now.

Why bring Claire back? - For the same reason lazy writers always bring a primary villain each season. They believe it helps move the garbage towards pickup.

Is Luke really dead- Who's Luke again? No. Although how funny would it be if they just made the actor up 'Weekend at Bernie's' style as Luke all season. Be a hell of a lot easier for everyone involved and it would fit into the character for Mark to be doing that. This is the most vile character ever on a show - from his first act that introduced him to us - so maybe a little levity would help?

Dipshit brother's mastermind? No. But then again characters in these scripts can be anything they need to be so - Yeah - they were pulling a con on mommy as well cause she had the cash? Who cares. (Maybe they became Joe's mentor

The only acceptable reaction to chubby girl getting punched was laughter. She may have been second most evil person this season and that Hardy just knocked the stout ball of hate out was heartwarming. It was the 'Indiana Jones' shoots the guy showing off his sword skills response. (Plus, somebody has to create distraction for Joe to escape or mastermind Joe's escape from custody.) He just punched her and she went down cold and we laughed. She was only likable new character because she stayed ON POINT the entire season. Best follower joe ever had.

Only person I want to be in the car is the one you fear Grumpyclown - Emma. No 20 foot fall and a number of gut stabs is going to kill off a complete nut-job like Emma. Plus, to be killed off by Claire ???????... that's her ending? No someone has to put Claire in danger next season as well so I'm guessing the whole season is Emma and Mark and Luke's corpse going after Claire FOR ONE LAST SHOWDOWN..... or at least until Season 4. Also, no scene with characters remembering the fallen, no corpse laid to rest - this is a soap opera at heart, which explains the writing, so Emma isn't dead. (Maybe Joe's mentor is training the twins Dexter style so he'd be doing something familiar? Can't remember did Hardy or Joe's new cult kill him off?)

'I have a drinking problem.' I love 'Airplane'.

My hope and dream is that you find a way back to provide yet another season of relaxing, hysterical, insightful commentary - complete with perfect media accompaniment. After watching this show that makes us continually scratch our heads its nice to have a place to share our muddled thoughts.

'Til next time.
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I would totally be on board with a season 3 themed on Weekend at Bernies!
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Great review summed up this finale , by the way this show is supposed to be a thriller about serial killers no way, its a comedy. I think the person in the truck with the twins is the Goat from Korbain has to be DUHH DUU!

I saw the twist with the follower tracking joe and hardy (buddy cop movie) the only thing that bugged me a tiny bit. Once Joe was rescued by follower why did he shot him and go with hardy ? I do think their were moments when the alcohol was wearing of in this episode , so I allow that. Claire halloween mask we be a big seller on ebay , why oh why didn't they have a face off between two cock blockers (reporter and claire (with hardy as referee). The twins have to be the worst killers ever once they had claire , hardy and joe could gone the Saw route and then when mike and max turn up chaos ensues. But that would be too clever for kevin to write. I was expecting Jeremy Kyle too turn at the dinner now that is torture.

Of course Hardy wasn't going to kill Joe and thats probably why claire dumped him plus everyone knew half through this season renewal was announced. So not unless the beard takes over killing Joe survives, I be longing for season three I have submitted my ideas to kevin and the writers alien abductees, tree worshipers and paganism and cross my fingers. Now my nights will be waiting for the return of the seriously dramatic Under the Dome grumpy i suggest u tune in. If u thought the following was a mess check out Under the Dome . Also I am sure in the present economy the twins should move onto a career as realtors LOL
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The whole car crash scene was unnecessary - i assume the point was to give Joe a gun but it wasn't used at the mansion, so ended up being pointless.

Not going anywhere near UTD, there's appears to be some interesting new shows this summer and the world cup to watch
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Stephen King is writing the first episode of the new season. I suspect even his talents may not be enough to get the show back on track. Given it's been off the track since the second episode.

Of course, your mileage of King's talents may vary...
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Still not enough to make me watch it.
He only had good things to say about season 1
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Well, he gets paid to say them, most likely...
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Does Claire have a face per se?

Her emotional range reminds me of the MST3K skit from "Aliens in LA." "Guess Kathy's Emotions!"



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That was awesome! Maybe MST3K should do some Following episodes!
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And if you don't know what I'm talking about with Plan 9, check out:


That'll give you the gist of it, and make you almost appreciate The Following.

If you want to watch the full version, that's also available on Youtube.

Tanna and Eros are the aliens, Jeff and Paula are the married couple.
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Although James Purefoy and Valorie Curry as Eros and Tanna, and Kevin Bacon and Natalie Zea as Jeff and Paula Trent, in a remake of Plan 9, has possibilities.

Can't you imagine James Purefoy with lines like: "You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!" and then Kevin Bacon cold-cocking him?

Then we get Kevin Williamson himself to play the Narrator. "Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."

"My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of academic serial killers from New York City?!?"
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My mind just blew up!
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Probably for the same reason they didn't do Plan 9 From Outer Space during their original run.

Too easy.

Although they did eventually.
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"In the melee Joe and Mark escape, Luke takes Claire as a shield while the B team enter the room, free their leader before going in pursuit."

I found it very hard to recap this part of the episode. The direction on this is horrible. Joe runs. Mark runs. See Joe and Mark run. Luke grabs Claire and runs. Run, Luke, run. See Luke run.

They somehow go in three different directions out of a room with maybe two doors. Mike runs after... someone. Max frees Ryan and they run off in... umm, some direction. Who knows which one?
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The key is the fact that Luke catches a bullet and uses Claire as a shield - he then follows Mark through the door he took.

But I would like to think that the actual script had your sentence -
" Joe runs. Mark runs. See Joe and Mark run. Luke grabs Claire and runs. Run, Luke, run. See Luke run."
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But if Luke followed Mark, why wasn't Mark there when Claire broke loose? Why did they separate? If they got separated, don't they know the house like the back of their hands? Isn't there strength in numbers if they stay together, particularly since the good guys split up?
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Because Mark ran and Luke was dragging Claire, which slowed him down
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Maybe Luke realized that Joe and Ryan are too in love with each other to give a rat's ass about Claire, and figure that they'd gladly shoot through her to get to him?

Lord knows, I would have shot through her to get to him.
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Plus, I'm no sociopath *heh* but if I grab a hostage and someone is shooting at me, I put the gun to the hostage's head and say, "Please don't shoot me. Or I will shoot her."

Grabbing a squirming, kicking hostage and running, putting my back to the shooter, doesn't seem like a very good tactic.
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So Mark abandoned his brother and their hostage? Or didn't care enough to make sure his beloved twin was following him?

Obviously Lily's intelligence wasn't passed down. ;)
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"One of the few highlights of the episode is the conversation between Joe and Ryan in the car - the chemistry the two leads have is probably the main reason I haven't abandoned The Following."

Of course it was good, They ripped off a scene from Se7en. Williamson always steals from the best. When he bothers to steal instead of writing himself based on his own self-inflated impression of his "talents."
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He should steal more
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I imagine there's some Fox execs who think he's stealing paychecks from them, too.
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I certainly feel like he's stealing time from me. ;)
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"Mike and Max stay behind, while Ryan and Joe make their getaway."

I didn't really follow that. Why did they stay behind?
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They actually said they were going to "follow you as soon as we can get out of here without being spotted".

Q: Why didn't they all go in the same car?
A: If they did, then they would have been in the unnecessary car crash, where Joe got the gun, (he didn't use at the mansion), to kill the random killer of the week and then saved Ryan.
Instead they Mike and Max get a different car so they could arrive later.

The same result could have been achieved if they all took the same car and then Ryan dropped Mike and Max off when they were close, so they didn't get spotted and endanger Claire
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Well, yeah, I understand from a plot point why they had to go in separate cars. ;) But onscreen it was presented as very awkward and ill-thought-out dialogue.
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"But onscreen it was presented as very awkward and ill-thought-out dialogue." - in other words, a perfect example of The Following
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So they could throw off the feds and track the car.
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If they'd gone with Ryan, they wouldn't have needed to track Ryan's car. :)
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ryan and mike were doing the rouge thing and did'nt need the feds a bit like thelma and louise
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Right, I get why they were dodging the Feds. But why did Mike and Max go in a separate car?

They want the element of surprise, Ryan drops them off a mile from the house and they walk in. Instead, Mike and Max go separately and... stop a mile from the house and they walk in.
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