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FOX (ended 2015)
Team Joe:



Joe is really finding his groove as a prophet, judging by all the gormless awestruck faces in the audience for his brainwashing session:


It seems like Joe has a target demographic - weak willed, vapid dummies with no moral compass (or as I like to call them, Justin Bieber fans).

With possibly the stupidest bit of peer pressure I have seen in a while, (outside of neck nominating), Joe manages to convince Angela to give her victim peace - by going all stabby stabby on her victim.

Emma is keeping an eye on Mandy through all of this, and its obviously only a matter of time before the two will tangle.


Later on, Mandy overhears Emma being Emma, (or just being a bitch), talking to Joe about how disappointed he should be about Mandy, when Robert interrupts with questions about Angela's victim.

He has problems with Joe's choice of victim and looks less than convinced after he and Joe have a chat. However Joe has been impressed by Roberts hype man skillz, and sends Emma to gauge his actual dedication.


But Emma bones Robert into submission, (in possibly the only sex scene I have witnessed that includes triple bunk beds), while Mandy searches the internet for a certain advert - which I assume is a way to contact Lilly or shoes (women love shoes)

After Emma has ridden Robert into subjugation, she returns to Joe in time for him to declare a jihad against a TV Evangelist, (played by Tom Cavanagh from Ed), but it seems like Joe has noticed something about her - does he not approve of Emma's bunk bed fumble with Robert?


Mandy has had enough of Emma's dirty looks and leaves the compound - and no one stops her or even notices she is leaving!

She hitches a ride and manages to ring Mark - so she wasn't shopping for shoes!


Team Rogue:


As Hardy is popping his little blue pills for round 2 with slutty reporter, the TV lets him know that Joe Carroll mania is running wild - I'm now conflicted:


On the one hand I have been Team Joe since the 2nd episode of season 1.

On the other hand, I f*cking hate hipsters.

I really, really hate them.

Anyway.


Over at witsec, Claire manages to convince her handlers that its a good idea to let her "see Ryan Hardy", which she immediately follows up with:
"I am not going to reveal I am alive. I simply want to see Ryan because I know a way I can help him."

OH MY F*CKING GOD!!!

Clunky dialogue like this is one of the reasons The Following suffers.

How is she going to see Ryan without revealing she is alive?


After Mike and Ryan have a talk about the birds and the bees, another short bus of loons turns up at a coffee shop and go on a rampage - but didn't leave a message.
I now suspect that this attack was carried out by something worse than a short bus of loons - A SHORT BUS OF HIPSTERS!!!

F*cking hipsters
............


Random killer of the week turns up, and kills a lady who works at a hospital for her ID. She hides a cache of weapons for some other random killers who are already waiting in the hospital.

It turns out its not hipsters, (f*cking hipsters), but Lilly who is responsible for all the carnage so far in this episode - and its all to free her baby boy, Luke.

The other random killers kill the marshals guarding Luke, but Hardy has figured out what they are up to and arrives at the hospital in time to ruin escape plan A.

Mike comes across the female random killer and gives the S.W.A.T. guy a weird look when he shoots her to save his life:


I understand that its supposed to convey "I wanted her alive!", but the S.W.A.T. guy did not deserve the stink eye for saving Mike's life.

Ryan is on the trail, (there is literally a blood trail for him to follow), of the other random killers and Luke.

He catches up with Luke, but is briefly held at gunpoint - which he escapes by getting Random Killer to monologue about their escape plan (Obviously he hasn't seen The Incredibles - and Luke hobbles away to freedom.


Luke is quickly reunited with his family (and I assume a family bubble bath followed their reunion)


Mike and Ryan share another heart to heart, with more relationship talk.

Hardy has spent a lot of time talking about relationships, his feelings, being happy with the reporter lady - so it comes as no surprise when the episode ends with Claire turning up at his front door to ruin everything!


Stuff:

*Emma whispering to Joe Angela's, made me think of stories you hear about "psychics" being fed information about audience members - in case we didn't realize he was a fake.

*Can you think of another sex scene that took place on a tripe bunk bed?

*Joe is now quoting the bible and comparing himself to Jesus - so Korban has now totally abandoned the whole "Returning to the stars" theology. That was quick!

*So Claire did reveal she was alive. Lying bitch! When she said "I am not going to reveal I am alive. I simply want to see Ryan because I know a way I can help him.", I thought she was going to do a really cool magic trick - I was so disappointed.

*Considering the fact that Joe had lots of people watching or monitoring Hardy in season 1, why on earth would Claire want to meet Ryan face to face?

It makes no sense at all.

One more thing....
Robert did the only pussy slaying this week :-)
(I know its an awful pun, but I couldn't resist)
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Why did they need to murder 200 people to get 2 injured murders into the hospital? couldn't they just stab the two? this show its a parody of itself. Great review :D
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Yep, silly. They could have just faked food poisoning or something. But I think the logic is that they wanted the hospital to be busy to add confusion so they could go unnoticed
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OMG KILL CLAIRE PLS! she is sooo fu***** annoying. "I can help" - yeah right??? She did so many (even for this show), so many stupid things last season how the hell is she gonna help anyone? And oi I like the reporter lady and Hardy - look how happy he is - Claire just go away NO ONE LIKES U ;)
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I think both women should die - after the misery Hardy has inflicted on the audience, he doesn't deserve any happiness
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CLAIRE IS THE WORST CHARACTER IN TELEVISION HISTORY.
and if you didn't realise that before, I've written it in capitals.
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I was expecting Claire to get a ghost make - up and to fake being a spirit so she can talk to Ryan. " Ryan, I came back to tell you what to do and who not to do .... woooohooohohoo..."
Kids.
Anyway, thanks for the review, a day later is so fine with me, you know.
The first two caps alone made my day.
Beliebers. I think you hate them a tiny bit more than hipsters.
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Beliebers. I think you hate them a tiny bit more than hipsters. - Its really, really close
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I want them to to kill Joe and claire.... I do like Kevin bacon's performance...
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I think at least 1 of them will die
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Hurrah I feel so much better after my following fix can grumpy clown put a Cher Believe song over the clip where Joe utters believe every time! I am getting bit bored of hardy screwing the reporter well she screwing him for info its too cliched she needs dispatching.
I see the British ex SAS guy didn't last long worst time to monologue when should stabbed Hardy in the eye, useless. The Witness Protection uhh Claire goes back to Hardy reveals her self to Hippie Joe and Lilly Gruesome twosome what a fantastic idea. Claire is a goner at the end of this I see she got more chance being protected in Nuclear testing site then with the Witness Protection Program LOL.
The last bed sex scene funny as this is Friday 13th when Jason sandwiched guy in two LOL. The happy campers arent bothered about there campmates getting stabbed but more upset about the pussies ? When will hardy stop doing the Jack Bauer thing I don't need back up yeah course you don't !
I expect in the finale were have Lilly army versus Joe hippies plus the Goat guy as the Umpire what a match up.
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Claire has to be a goner - which makes me wonder why they brought her back
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natalie zea is boning the producer; she's back as a play date.
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But she also has that comedy series that got picked up by Amazon
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maybe hardy new squeeze is a lily follower in disguise and poor hardy will be caught out and witness thanksgiving with the gruesome twosome ARGGHHHH !
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or join them in a bubble bath
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Mmmmmmmmmmmm Bacon sandwich
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Why can't I stop watching? GDamn you Kevin Bacon .... and now they bring in Sprague Grayden so 'Claire' has to decide to show up because 'Donna Winston' (SoA) is still very hot. How long before she gets 'Donna'ed on this show? With Claire back and these sadistic writers, my guess is pretty quick. That's too bad because Sprague Grayden is a lot more fun, and cuter, than Natalie Zea. Only thing great about that wet blanket's return was the return of the old FBI agent assigned to Claire!!!! ; who is still another useless female character. This FBI is pretty cruel and still tupid - they have kept Claire's 'being alive' status a secret from everyone, even her dopey kid who thankfully wasn't invited back this season --& yet let her just decide on her own to reveal herself to very clearly at this point the weakest gear in the machine built to capture Joe Carroll - Ryan Hardy????

The triple bunk-bed sex wasn't half as hilarious or completely un-sexy as the sex between Weston and what's her name, the useless (as are all females in Kevin Williamson's tv shows that aren't evil) girl being played by Jessica Stroup. That may have been the most covered up sex scene in the history of television. All you saw was the top of their heads in bed under about 50 blankets and pillows everywhere- Jessica Stroup must have had some pretty strict conditions for filming sex scenes on this show in her contract --& 'you can show my face, and that is all.' (Ms. Stroup, you are never going to be known for your acting ability - really you aren't -- ever -- a little skin doesn't hurt a career anymore even in a sex scene with the less famous, less popular Ashmore twin.) Cocoon sex - and that was all we saw of useless female relative helping Kevin Bacon for the entire episode.

Lily Grey is far more interesting than Joe Carroll at this point. She gets stuff done! The worst part of the 'Orphan Black' twins though is that the actor is just so bad its almost funny (Its 'Dexter' all over again). He's playing both twins the exact same way and because of it you cannot find two distinct characters. They should have just called him Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber.

Because she's a female character on a Kevin Williamson show we aren't suppose to be rooting for 'Emma' but since they are keeping 'Lily Gray' so far removed from the bulk of this story I'm still rooting for 'Emma' to 'win'?!?!? I just want her to stab the crap out of the baby psycho-killer who wants a code to follow Mandy. Thinking she could be Joe's number 1 girl ..... no thanks sweetheart, we already have that role filled.

I'm doomed .... this flaming pile of dung already got renewed again. ('Terriers' lasted one season (13 episodes) same company, 'Firefly'; 8 episodes; on this network, 'Wonderfalls'; 4 episodes on this network and this turd is going to be coming back for A THIRD SEASON - (face plant)) As long as it remains in the its so bad its funny category and Grumpyclown continues these awesome recaps and Kevin Bacon is still lighting up the screen - I'll stay. Biggest complaint this week, not nearly enough Joe Carroll. James Purefoy is embracing the complete silliness of this role and is a joy to watch when he is high-jacking (with little effort needed) every scene he is in.

Torturing and murdering of young women for laughs without batting an eye... must have Kevin Williamson's name on it. Good Catholic boy.


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I actually had a thought that Emma will get tired of Joe's crap and she'll kill Joe and she'll take over for season 3. They really can't drag Joe on for 3 seasons .....can they?
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I was thinking the exact opposite - Joe killing Emma
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I know, and can't help but agree - no James Purefoy, no show. I mean I thought it was just the Beard but its the whole package. (But Beard must return!!!!!!!!)
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I think Joe will die before seasons end and the Beard will be the main villain for season 3

#Never forget the Beard
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Williamson has said in interviews (the interviews where he is trying to convince people that bringing Joe back in 2 was only way to continue the show (his point was, this being a Kevin Bacon vehicle, ('without Joe there is no reason to have Ryan Hardy around at all') once Joe Carroll is caught or dead this show would be over. This would be much more fun if he had been dead and Emma was taking over. That might actually make a plausible transition. I'm with you on that one.
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You are right. I read the Williamson interview too so if the show goes on for season 22 - it would still be Ryan vs Joe ! Ha !
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I don't remember Jessica Stroup having a sex scene.

And thumbs up for the Terriers shout out
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Yeah, her and Weston are f'ing. It was under a mountain of blankets - she still may have been fully clothed - but the inference was that sex was happening or had happened. It happened after his meeting with Claire - (REALLY why does this dumb f get to know she's alive?) - before he and Ryan hooked up for this weeks adventures with the bumbling stumbling 'Following' version of the FBI - where once again 'bad guys' plan works to perfection. Connie Nielson is great because she also is having too much fun on this show. (Maybe working out all her anger that her last show 'Boss' got canceled yet pleased that she doesn't have to share bedroom scenes with Kelsey Grammer anymore (she was one of the most angry of that show's cast in interviews after Starz dumped that show); who knows?)

Cancelling 'Terriers' was the single greatest mistake John Landgraf has ever made in his tenure as FX President.
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About Robert...I'm a guy and I understand, to a degree. We don't have enough blood to use our dicks and our brains at the same time. But damn, he was pretty easily persuaded to forget about the murder of his friend, even if only for now.
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As a man there are certain rules I follow:

Man rule #1 = never turn down sex NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION OR LOCATION IS!

Man Rule #2 - ALWAYS OBEY RULE#1
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Not one of the best. Ridiculous and stupid as usual. Normally it's also funny, this time I thought it was kind of boring.
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I found it kind of dull too - silly rather than the usual crazy/funny
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As much as I hate to take the show's side on anything, I think you're taking what Claire said too literally. I assume she meant "I'm not going to reveal [to the world] that I'm alive". Or maybe she's being trickier - she never said anything about him seeing her, only her seeing him. Maybe she'll whisper helpful clues in his ear while he's asleep and play hilarious pranks on Carrie Cooke.
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I took it to mean she was going to visit Hardy, and considering the amount of loons spying on Hardy in season 1 - including the neighbor who stabbed both of them - so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for Joe to still having someone watching Hardy and let him know about Claire
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I kept watching the episode and on my mind was only one thing "grumpy is going to f*** them". )))another great review please don't stop doing them or else there will be no point of watching the show
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Thank you.
I'll be doing them or the rest of the season, but due to a change in my work hours they will be about a day after the episode
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The family bubble bath was the laugh of the day.
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I bet they had rubber duckies too
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Sorry but I really want the turnabout I mentioned - where Ryan becomes the serial killling monster, and Carroll goes all good guy on us and takes him out. I mean don't get me wrong, I love the unintentional humour - but a simple shark jump as I've described would be great too. After all, they've been jumping that particularly toothy sea mammal since episode three so it's hardly a stretch for them.

Maybe the useless Claire's (unwanted) return will be the catalyst for my dream? She can't even get dying right though, so I'm not too hopeful. Let's face it, anyone else getting a knife to the gut that probably takes out your liver and kidneys would dutifully keel over and expire. But not Cockblocking Claire; no she comes back faster than a zombie chasing a brain.

Really you can kind of understand why Carroll turned into a serial killer after being married to her..... I mean I don't hate her anymore than I do the hipsters - but I will admit that if she (and they) were on fire I would definitely be adding logs, and not water, to the blaze. Hipsters as a species are as pointless as a box jellyfish - sure being in their presence can kill you....but why?
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Considering that Joe is starting to emulate Jesus, he could end up being a good guy.

In season 3 he acts as Hardy's conscience, stopping him from killing the random killers of the week.....and spends his spare time in a cat sanctuary to make up for last week
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It would mean that Ryan has go all serial killer in his stead though, otherwise it wouldn't be leaping over any sharks for me. Mind you, a few kittens dotted around the episode, along with the occasional gamboling puppy, might actually win over a few critics.
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So does post traumatic sex = new outlook on life? Maybe Weston needs to hit the sheets with Max so he too can be all knowing like Hardy. Weston's look at Idiot SWAT Guy #10 was priceless! He might as well broke the 4th Wall and said, "I'm surrounded by morons." Anyway loving that Lily is back with her American Psycho Boys. I actually enjoy her more than Joe but not more than MC Robert who I thought was a goner. Whew! That triple bunk scene was so steamy that I had to overt my eyes!
Now here is Claire with the cockblock! Tee hee!
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During the sex scene, my brains was screaming "THE HYPEMAN COMETH!"
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I haven't seen a single episode of The Following, but I love reading these reviews. Based on your analysis of her character here, it's high time Natalie Zea re-joins Justified.

Question: What exactly is a hipster anymore anyway? :)


(via Dustinland)
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Question: What exactly is a hipster anymore anyway?

Answer: The ruination of society
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How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate pizza before it was cool.
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Why do hipsters love using the subway?

Because its underground.
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