The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Season 4 Episode 3

Will: (to Professor Mansfield) Give me a couple hours headstart before you start your car, okay? Psyche! I mean, philosph!

Professor Mansfield: If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's there to see it or hear it, does it make a sound?
Will: Yes, yes it does...well no, no it doesn't...well, how far away is this tree from the subway? And how far away is the woods from the ghetto? If the tree falls on a gopher, does the gopher make a sound? What if the tree falls on Uncle Phil and he hurts the tree?

Professor Mansfield: You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!
Will: Word, that's Jack Nicholson.
Professor Mansfield: That's right. Now Scotty, will you beam yourself out of here?
Will: Captain Kirk, that's fly.
Professor Mansfield: No this is the fly, help me! Help me!

Professor Mansfield (to Will): Nothing like that minimum-wage humor.

(At the Peacock, Will is blocking the professor's path)
Professor Mansfield: Can I get by?
Will: Not with those looks.