The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Season 2 Episode 14

(Will and Tyriq are filling out a dating application)
Will: You've gotta write the kind of things that appeal to the kind of woman you want.
Tyriq: So what's you're occupation?
Will: Well, I'm a biblical scholar, a nuclear physicist, and a doctor who saves the lives of orphan children.
Tyriq: Wow man. What kind of woman are you looking for?
Will: Someone with really, really big breasts.

(Philip is reading off the family's credit card bills)
Philip: Carlton, ninty dollars for a pair of socks? That's ridiculous.
Vivian: It certainly is. Oh Philip, that's nine dollars.
Philip: Oh...Ashley. How could you manage to charge eighty dollars worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
Vivian: That's eighty cents. Sweety, do you need to get your eyes checked?
Philip: Don't be ridiculous Vivian.
Vivian: This has been going on for months. If you move the tv any closer to the bed, I'll be sleeping with Jade Leno.

Will: Hilary, ever since you got this job, I've been working my butt off.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, when you were a child, you begged your parents for months to buy you a violin. Then, five minutes into your first lesson, what happened?
Hilary: I quit. I had to. It irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: What about ballet?
Hilary: I quit. I had to. I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, I quit that too. Heck, they wanted me to ride to away games on a bus.

Hilary: I'm making a new-years resolution to find a job...right after Easter.

Philip: Oh, great. You're all together.
Vivian: Will, we've got something to say to you.
Philip: We just want to congradulate you for setting such a fine example for the other kids.
Will: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Vivian: No baby, not at all. We are very proud of the way you've managed to balance your school work and your part-time job.
Carlton: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Philip: These bills are no joke. You kids could really learn a thing or two from Will.
Hilary: Are we like in the The Twilight Zone When does everyone put on the pig masks?