(the doorbell rings
Geoffrey: Someone get that damn door! Oh, that would be me.
Doctor Baylor: Where are my glasses? Oh, hell! Nurse, did they close up Ms. Henderson yet?
Max: (running into the room) Faster! Faster! Faster!
Nurse: Max! Running around like this could be fatal.
Max: Fine, you die and I'll get a new nurse.
(everybody's at the hospital keeping Will company)
All: (singing) Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around...
Nurse: (entering) I'm afraid you'll REALLY have to go now.
Will: Can we finish our song please? (singing) One million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer.
Will: You got so much stuff wrong with you, how come you're always happy?
Max: Kid, I'm 82 years old. The difference in your age and mine is you think you're immortal, me I know better. I don't have time to worry.
Will: Max, I thought you died.
Max: In Pittsburgh I died...wasn't my fault, I was opening for a seal.
Geoffrey: I brought everything you asked for, though I couldn't find your pajamas. Where do you keep them?
Will: Oh, in the-
Ashley: Don't tell him! He'll put it in his memoirs, and Urkel will play you in the TV movie!
(Will had nightmares of bad doctors)
Will: I'm gettin' outta here before doctor Hannibal Lector shows up.
Will: I ain't gettin' cut by no doctor with knee socks.
Doc: There is nothing to worry about. I've pretended to do this operation a thousand times. Look, this time they gave me a real scalpel.
(In Geoffrey's room, Will, Carlton, and Hilary are all hiding under his bed. Philip and Vivian walk in, wanting his memoirs.)
Vivian: He's not here Philip. Lets go.
Philip: Bot so quick Vivian. Do you really want Hilary to find out she was concieved during a Sly-Stone concert?
Vivian: Well it never would;ve happened if he hand't been five hours late.
(They search the room. Philip sits on the bed and everyone under it howlers in pain.)
Philip: Alright. Everybody out.
(They get out from under the bed.)
Vivian: What are you doing here?
Will: What are YOU doing here? And I hope those concert tickets weren't front row.
Hilary: Is that why you always play "Hot Fun in the Summer Time" on my birthday?
Carlton: And where was I concieved?
Will: Probably at a white sale.
Nurse Petty: Max, you're supposed to be in therapy.
Max: I played there forty years ago. Bad theater, lousy audience.
The Night Shots of the Hospital's exterior are taken from The Cosby Show
In syndication, a scene where Will disguises himself as a doctor is cut out. The scene involves him and the blonde nurse, and then Will announces free food, to divert the security guard's attention, so he can leave.