Lester: Anita is my psychiatrist, Will.
Will: Oh yeah right and I just won a Grammy. Come on man-to-man, toe-to-toe. Come on!
Will paces back and forth as if about to fight Lester
Lester: Will! Will, I understand your anger and if you want to take out you passive/aggressive feelings towards your absent father on me go ahead.
Will stops pacing, and looks around confused
Will: Man you really must be seeing a shrink.
Will: (to Lestor) You really must be seeing a shrinq...Hey, what does it mean when you dream you're flying through a tunnel on a scud missle?
Helen: I'm always doing things on the spur of the moment: buy a new hat, paint the house, get a divorce.
Philip: Not again.
Lestor: If you refuse to leave with me, you know what I'm gonna have to do.
Will: Drag her home by her extensions?
Lestor: Nope. I'm gonna stay right here with you, till you change your mind.
Will, Carlton, and Philip all make impatient noises
Helen: Vivian, last night I followed Lester. He drove up to this cute little house with this cute little pickett fence and this cute little home wrecker opened the door.
Vivian: I would've been reaching for my cute little crow-bar.
Helen: I couldn't find it.
Vivian: Has anyone seen my old brown bag?
Helen: Excuse me. You used to call me diva.
Helen: Hilary, would you please ask the adulter on my right please pass the biscuits?
(Philip passes Helen the biscuits and everyone is shocked)
Carlton: This is so unfair. What about our date?
Will: I don't know. I was up all night trying to learn french for 'forget my cousin, you can both have me.'
Will (talking to himself): Gee Will, where were you when you were supposed to be with two lushes French girls? I was trapped in the bathroom with my naked aunt.
Vivian mentions that she greeted Philip wearing Saran wrap and the he asked about the meatloaf. This is an allusion to the 1991 movie titled, Fried Green Tomatoes, Fannie Flagg wrote the book on which the movie was based. Kathy Bates was the actress who modeled the plastic wrap.
Will: Oh, yeah, and I just won a Grammy.
It's a reference to Will of winning a Grammy with his partner Jeff Townes (DJ Jazzy Jeff).