The Golden Girls

Season 1 Episode 15

In a Bed of Rose's

1
Aired Unknown Jan 11, 1986 on NBC

Episode Recap

The episode begins with Rose and her date, Al, coming home from a lovely evening out. Rose acknowledges that they are home. Al asks if he can please come inside. Rose says that she can't. Al reminds her that they have been seeing each other for a month. He tells her that he's never wanted anymore than her. Rose asks if they can go to her place. Al tells her that his sister is there and since she's an insomniac they'd have an audience. Rose apologizes, but says that she can't let him stay at the house. Al says he can't take her to a hotel because it takes the feeling out of it. Al guesses that they are doomed. Rose says they'd better talk about this inside. The two enter the living room to find everyone is in bed. Rose tells Al that she's never brought anyone home before. Al says he understands. Rose asks him if he's quiet. Al notes that he's already whispering. Rose tells him that's not what she meant. Al gets the point, and tells her that he doesn't scream or shout, and he even wears quiet clothes. Rose says that she's quiet too. Al tells her everything will be fine. Rose tells him she doesn't want the others to know that he is here. Al says they'll never know he was here. Rose tells him that they are getting up tomorrow to play golf so he can leave the house after they leave. Rose again tells him that he has to stay quiet. Al says he'll be as quiet as a mouse.

The next morning, Rose comes into the kitchen to find Blanche and Dorothy already up. Dorothy comments that Rose must have had a great dream last night. Rose asks what she means. Dorothy says she's never heard such a racket that Rose was making last night in her room. Blanche says she thought that Rose was making love. Rose denies that happened, and says that she was just having a very terrible nightmare. Blanche comments that it's very interesting that the sounds of making love and nightmares are the same. Dorothy says she wouldn't know. Rose says that they need to be going. Blanche asks Dorothy if she makes noise when she's making love. Dorothy says no. Blanche asks how that's possible. Dorothy says it never felt very ladylike to her. Rose tells them they really should go. Blanche tells her to hold on. Dorothy tells her that making love never seemed to warrant making sounds. Blanche asks if she's ever talked during it. Dorothy tells her that she's always wanted to, but at that point nobody is ever interested in conversation. Blanche says that she meant dirty talk. Dorothy doesn't comprehend. Sophia joins them in the kitchen in the middle of the conversation. Sophia tells Rose that there is a man in her bed. Rose denies it. The women put two and two together, and realize it was her and the man that they heard last night. Blanche is so happy that Rose got lucky. Sophia adds that she's not that lucky, and tells her that the man in her bed, Al, is dead. Everyone looks shocked, and Rose retorts that Al can't be dead because she was just in there with him. Sophia tells her she's just been in there too. She says that when she went to put Rose's laundry away, she saw Al lying on the bed and thought she'd introduce herself, but he didn't answer her. Rose insists that Al just must be very shy. Blanche comments that he didn't sound very shy last night. Sophia says if they want to let a dead guy lie in the house today they can go right ahead, but notes that it's going to be 98 degrees today and it won't end up pretty. Dorothy is sure that Sophia is just overreacting and tells Rose to go look and see if he's okay. Rose insists he's just sleeping, and she doesn't want to wake him up. Sophia jokes that she could light firecrackers in his nostrils and it still won't wake him. Blanche tells Rose to go look because she doesn't want dead people lying in her house. Dorothy tells everyone to calm down because they probably just have a sleeping man in the house. Sophia tells Dorothy that she can recognize death. She reminds her that she lived in a retirement home and says that death visited more often than children. Blanche tells Rose to go check on him. Rose says that she can't. Blanche asks why. Rose tells her that she's afraid and tells her to go check on Al. Blanche tells her that she has a thing against dead people, and says she's never seen one nor does she want to. Rose asks if she saw her husband when he was dead. Blanche says no, and says that she can't even watch the news because every once in awhile they stick a corpse on it. Dorothy says that this is ridiculous because they're sitting here eating cornflakes when there might be a dead person in the house. Dorothy offers to go. Rose and Blanche starts to say that Dorothy is very brave, but then Dorothy peeks her head back into the kitchen asking for someone to go with her. Blanche and Rose glance at Sophia, and Sophia says she'll go. Rose insists that Al can't be dead, but he's going to wish that he was when Dorothy and Sophia walk in. Blanche asks who he is. Rose tells her that his name is Al. Blanche asks what he does. Rose tells her that he imports diamonds for a living. Blanche really hopes that Al isn't dead. Sophia comes out and tells everyone that Al bought the farm. Rose asks what farm. Dorothy spells it out for her and tells her that Al really is dead. Rose sits down on the couch and can't believe that Al is actually dead. Rose asks when he died. Dorothy tells Rose that she was the one that spent the night with him so she should know better than anyone else. Rose panics and thinks that she slept with a dead man last night. Blanche remarks that she sleeps with them all the time. Rose comments that she thought he was just a sound sleeper. Rose asks what they are going to do. Dorothy says that they are going to have to call the police. Rose screams that she didn't murder him. Dorothy knows she didn't murder him, and tells her that he probably just had a heart attack. Dorothy tells her that his family has to be notified, and asks if he talked about any family. Rose says he lives with his sister. Rose tells her that she'll tell his sister. Blanche says that would be better, and says that she doesn't want the police to have to tell her. She recounts about the night her husband, George, died and says that when the police called and asked her about information, they put her on hold at 2 a.m. She says that when he finally got back on the line he was eating chips and apologized for being the only officer at the station with a busy line. She says that when he answered, he was munching on his chips and told her nonchalantly that he was dead because of a car crash. He then put her on hold again to munch on Doritos and tell her that her life was over. Blanche tells Rose that she has to tell Al's sister because she at least knows that she won't eat chips. Rose agrees that she never eats chips because they keep falling down her bra. Rose says that she can't sleep in a bed that's had a dead man in it. Dorothy tells her that they'll get her a new bed with some new sheets. Sophia says that they should just burn down the house. Rose says that she feels terrible because Al had just got a hair transplant. Blanche tells her that she found Al's sister's number. Rose asks what she should tell her. Sophia says she could tell her that he died in the bed of an idiot. Dorothy tells her to tell his sister the truth. Rose says that she can't tell her he died in bed. Dorothy says that she could tell his sister that he died visiting. Rose starts dialing, but hangs up quickly and says that she's not home. Dorothy tells her that it only rang once. Rose talks with someone on the other end of the line. She hangs up the phone. Dorothy asks if it was the right number. Rose says that it was the right number, but she was talking to the wrong person. She tells them that she spoke to a woman named Lucille, who is Al's wife, not his sister. Everyone looks stunned and confused.

Later, Rose still cannot believe that Al was a married man, and screams that there's a married dead man in her bed. Sophia says that it serves him right. Everyone is astounded, but Sophia says that he did lie to Rose about his relationship status. Blanche says she doesn't understand why they do that when they know that the woman will probably sleep with them anyways. Rose asks what she's going to do and says that she can't tell Lucille that her husband died sleeping in her bed. Sophia suggests that she can tell her that she went out to turn on the sprinklers and found him on the lawn. Rose notes that's not a bad idea. Dorothy tells her that isn't right. Rose says that this isn't an easy thing to do, and she says it's the hardest thing in the world to tell someone that their husband has been cheating on them with her. Blanche says it's not that bad, and tells her to try telling someone that their husband has been cheating on their pregnant wife with their sister, and you're the sister, and you're pregnant too by her husband. Dorothy is disgusted that Blanche would do that. Blanche says it wasn't her it was an episode of Dallas last night. Rose thought that it really was Blanche that did that. Blanche says that she could never do a thing like that, especially if they saw her brother-in-law. Dorothy tells Rose that she has to go and tell Lucille because she's probably worried enough already. Rose says she's never had to do something like tell a woman that her husband was seeing her. Blanche says that the wife will probably call him a dirty rat and will want to kill him, but that all Rose will have to say is that he's already dead.

Later that day, Rose arrives at Lucille's house to talk with her. When the door opens, Lucille thinks Rose is a saleswoman and tells her that she doesn't wear Avon, use a mop, and she's already paying for an encyclopedia that her son only used once to look up something sexual. Rose says she didn't come to sell her something, and tells her that she has to talk with her about her husband. Lucille invites her in. Lucille reveals that she knows that her husband has been dating her. She thinks that he dumped Rose, and Rose has come here to tell her that. Rose tries to protest, but Lucille says that she's heard this from women multiple times. Rose can't believe it. Lucille informs Rose that the first time Al slept with someone other than her was on their honeymoon night. She says it was in Paris, and he slept with the chambermaid. She says he always had the maid service requested sign posted on the door. Lucille informs Rose that Al has slept with everyone including secretaries, schoolteachers, baby-sitters, neighbors, and friends. She even claims that one Easter, they gave their son rabbits and she swears that the rabbits looked at Al with amazement. Lucille asks how long Rose has been seeing him. Rose says that she's been seeing him for a month. She tells Lucille that she's not here to discuss that, and says that she's here to tell her bad news. Lucille doubts that she's pregnant. Rose tells her that Al had a heart attack last night and has passed away. Rose says that she's sorry. Lucille denies it, and says that she must be sleeping with someone else's husband named Al. She says that Al is healthy as a horse. Rose says she's sure it's him. Lucille says that Al was a runner and couldn't have had a heart attack. Lucille says that she's talking because it can't be true, and as long as she talks forever it can't be true. Lucille breaks down, and starts sobbing. When Rose goes to comfort her, Lucille says she's fine. She then calls him a big jerk, but says she loved him. She says he was a decent man, and Rose agrees with her. Rose says it's all her fault. Lucille says that if he had a heart attack then it wasn't her fault. Rose tells her that Al had a heart attack when he was with her just like her husband, Charlie. Rose says that men drop like flies around her. Lucille tells Rose that she is not responsible for the death of her husband. Rose promises her that she will never date anyone again. Lucille tells her that in time she will date again, and she will forget all about this. Rose says that she never will, and she'll have to get used to being alone. Lucille asks Rose if she can somehow pull herself together because in a minute she is going to need some comforting herself.

Later that day, Blanche asks Dorothy to try this new brand of dressing and tells her that it has only 1 calorie. Dorothy tastes it, and notes that if Rose would run it under some water it would give it more flavoring. Dorothy tells Blanche that she should always watch out for things that say no calories, no charge, and let's just lie down on the bed and watch television. Rose returns from visiting Lucille. Dorothy asks if she told her. Rose says yes. Blanche asks what happened. Rose says that she's going to become a nun because she's convinced that she's cursed with Al being the second man that has died in her bed. Blanche is confused, and Dorothy fills her in that Rose's husband, Charlie, also died in Rose's bed. Blanche asks Rose what it is she does in bed. Rose says that she does nothing. Blanche thinks that maybe that's the reason they die is because they have to do all of the work. Dorothy tells her it's not Rose's fault and that Rose has a perfectly normal sex life. Blanche tells them that she once knew a woman that married 7 times and that 6 of them died of stomach ailments. She says that they arrested her because she had been putting poison in their salads. Rose asks why. Dorothy jokes that the woman ran out of croutons. Dorothy says that she wanted to kill them. Rose says that she once had a neighbor in Minnesota that killed her husband with a combine. She says that she didn't know she had done in until she saw bits of him in the corn after it harvested. She says that she said that she thought she saw pieces of Joe's overalls, shirt, and arm in the corn. Blanche tells Rose that they get the picture. Rose tells them that they had a little coffin at the funeral, and Blanche tells her to stop telling her about it. Dorothy tells Rose that she is not to blame, and adds that Rose knows that deep down inside. Rose says that she knows that, and says that she wasn't anywhere near the combine so she couldn't have been at fault. Dorothy shakes her head knowing that she meant about Al. Rose leaves the kitchen.

Later that night, Dorothy and Blanche ask Rose to go with them square dancing. Rose says she doesn't want to go. Blanche tells Rose that they're only going to dance with women and is convinced Rose can't kill them doing that. Rose tells Blanche that she's not going to be with anymore men. Blanche says she would just die without men. Dorothy says it's not like going without food. Blanche says that's even worse. Rose tells them that there are plenty of women that live their lives without men in them. Blanche asks who. Rose says a neighbor of hers back in St. Olaf. Dorothy asks if that's the one that ran over her husband with the combine. Rose says that's her, and tells them that she never remarried and led a very happy rest of her life doing the chores. Blanche sarcastically says that those are her favorite things. Sophia comes out in her cowboy outfit, and tells them that it's time to go. Dorothy asks if Rose wants to go just to watch. Sophia says that Rose can watch her eat corn on the cob with her dentures and says that it'll make a lot of laughs. Rose says that she doesn't want to kill anyone else. Dorothy asks if she's going to be okay here by herself. Sophia says that she'll be fine and that if someone breaks into the house Rose can sleep with him.

After the girls leave, the doorbell rings. Rose answers it and its Lucille. Lucille tells Rose that she had to drop by and see her. She tells her that she appreciated Rose's bravery by coming to her house to personally tell her what happened that she decided to do something nice for her. Rose tells her that wasn't necessary. Lucille tells her that she just got the autopsy back, and the autopsy showed that Al's arteries were clogged. Lucille says that at home Al lived off of fatty foods and had meat for dessert. Lucille tells Rose that she didn't kill him. It was Al that killed himself with all that fattening food. Rose doesn't think that Al committed suicide. Lucille says that in a matter of speaking he would have died whether he had been here or not. Rose is glad that she wasn't responsible for his death. Lucille tells Rose that she just had to tell her that she wasn't responsible. Rose thanks her. Lucille tells her that if he had to die, she was glad that he died with someone he cared about rather than on a lone street, and what was better was that he died doing the one thing he loved. Rose and Lucille say goodbye, and Lucille goes home.

Later that evening, Blanche and Dorothy play cards while Sophia hovers above them. Dorothy gets angry, and tells Sophia to stop telling Blanche what to play every round. Sophia claims that she hasn't said anything to her. Dorothy says that she sees her shaking her head. Sophia says she's been holding her head up for 80 years and says that she would shake it to if hers had been up for that long. Rose comes in and asks everyone what they think of her new dress. Blanche says it looks a little old-fashioned. Rose tells her that the seller told her that's what the was. Blanche asks if the seller was a pilgrim. Dorothy tells Rose that she looks absolutely wonderful. Rose hopes that she does and notes that she hasn't had a date in three months. She says that she doesn't know what to do. She notes that she likes Arnie, and he treats her very special. She says that they're going away again, and she starts contemplating whether or not she will make love again to him because she likes him. But she says that she's afraid that it will happen again just like it did to Al. Then she starts saying she's afraid that Arnie will think that if she doesn't make love to him that he'll think she doesn't like him anymore. Blanche reminds Rose that she wasn't responsible for Al's death just like the autopsy said. She tells her to go out, have a good time, and whatever happens, happens. Rose says that she know they proved that Al had bad arteries, but she says that there is a small chance that she may be responsible. Dorothy tells her to do what she is comfortable with, and nothing else. Rose heads out on her date.

Dorothy and Blanche wait in the kitchen for Rose to come back. Dorothy notes that Rose is already 2 hours late. Blanche says she's probably held up in traffic, and says that she's willing to bet Rose slept with Arnie. Dorothy says that she wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. Blanche says it would be difficult for her to abstain herself from a man if she liked him. Dorothy says she abstained after she and Stan got divorced, but claims that it wasn't much of a different experience than from when they were married. Rose arrives home, and both Blanche and Dorothy banter back and forth about how Rose is. Rose tells them that she slept with Arnie, and that Arnie died. The girls can't believe that this happened. Rose tells them that she told the sheriff about how she kills men, and she says that the sheriff didn't believe her. She says that the sheriff wanted to sleep with her to test the theory. She says that she slept with the sheriff, and then he died. Blanche and Rose look like they are about to pass out. Then, Rose starts laughing and tells them she was just kidding. She tells them that Arnie is fine and that everything on the date went great. Blanche and Dorothy are really upset about Rose's joke, and tell her that she shouldn't joke about something like that. Rose apologizes, but Blanche and Dorothy are really dazed by Rose's joke and leave the kitchen. Rose shrugs her shoulders, and the episode ends with her saying that she thought the joke was funny.
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