The Golden Girls

Season 5 Episode 13

Mary Has a Little Lamb

Aired Unknown Jan 06, 1990 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Sophia: Now, where was I?
      Dorothy: You were humiliating me.
      Sophia: Yeah. Right. The slut. And after all she did to me, did I turn her out?
      Dorothy: You tried, Ma!
      Sophia: But did she go? No. And look at us today. No one could love a daughter more.
      Dorothy: Thanks, Ma.
      Sophia: So what if I don't respect her?

    • Rose: Maybe we should sign Mary up for some natural childbirth classes.
      Dorothy: You know, that's not a bad idea. I wish I'd known about them when I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do except scream at Stan never to touch me again, and call him every name in the book.
      Rose: Rough labor?
      Dorothy: Rough conception.
      Blanche: Oh, she doesn't need those classes. I think women ought to have babies the way God intended - strapped to a table, numb from the neck down.

    • Merrill: I'm Merrill. Are you Blanche?
      Dorothy: No.
      Merrill: (to Sophia) How about you, cutie?
      Merrill: Boy, this guy's done hard time.
      Dorothy: Uh, no, Blanche isn't here, and, uh, she won't be back for a long, long time.
      Merrill: That's all right. I've been in prison ten years. I'm real good at waiting.

    • Dorothy: Seems like old times, huh?
      Mary: Oh, I love this house. I love this room. I feel so safe here. After I'd visit Mom in the hospital, I always was so glad to come back here. Now here I am again...only this time, I'm pregnant. It's funny, huh?
      Dorothy: What's that, honey?
      Mary: Well, it's just that I have another human being inside of me, and I've never felt more alone.
      Dorothy: Mary, that's why you have to talk to your father.
      Mary: No way.
      Dorothy: Listen, this is the most difficult thing for a father to accept.
      Mary: What? That I'm a grown woman?
      Dorothy: But you're not a grown woman. Just because the plumbing's in doesn't mean the house is ready to occupy.
      Mary: I think I know what you're getting at.
      Dorothy: Good, because I really didn't make that up myself. I heard it on This Old House.

    • Sophia: (to Mary's father) You feel that because Mary went out and got herself pregnant, she's a slut. Well, let me tell you what a slut is. It's someone who gets knocked up in the back seat of a Studebaker at a drive-in movie. It was a Studebaker, wasn't it Dorothy?
      Dorothy: It was a Nash, Ma.
      Sophia: Now, that's a slut.

    • Mary: Well, I tried talking to my father, but he just went all crazy when I told him.
      Dorothy: Well, that's what fathers do - they yell, and they barbecue. That's what separates them from the apes.
      Mary: Well, what did your father do when he found out you were pregnant?
      Dorothy: He chased Stan for three blocks with a salami.
      Mary: How come?
      Dorothy: They don't leave marks. When he finally cooled down, he realized that he loved me more than anything in the world, which was lucky for me, because I never needed him more than I did then.

    • Sophia: So Mary, when's the baby due?
      Dorothy: Ma, this is a 16 year old girl.
      Sophia: A knocked up 16 year old girl.
      (Mary stays silent)
      Dorothy: Ma, how did you know?
      Sophia: You had that same look of panic on your face when you told me.

    • Rose: Let's go into the kitchen and I'll fix you some pickles and ice cream.
      Mary: Oh I haven't had any strange cravings yet.
      Rose: Strange?

    • Dorothy: I apologize for this story. Have you ever heard of a town called St. Olaf?
      Fred: No.
      Dorothy: Good.
      (starts St. Olaf story)

    • Dorothy: [Sophia enters the kitchen carrying a letter] Oh, hi, Ma.
      Sophia: Listen to this, "If I were truly free, o fire of my loins. I'd take you to a paradise in the sun where we could lie naked, bronze body against pearl body, locked in a frenzy of love.
      Dorothy: Ma, who wrote that?
      Sophia: Merrill Kellog.
      Dorothy: Merrill... Who's he?
      Sophia: Ask Blanche. It's her letter.
      Dorothy: [snatches the letter from Sophia] This is from that guy in prison Blanche has been writing to.
      Rose: How are you going to explain this opened letter to Blanche?
      Sophia: [taking the letter back from Dorothy] Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
      Blanche: [entering the kitchen] Morning, girls.
      Sophia: Morning, Blanche. Rose opened your letter.
      [hands it to Blanche and leaves]
      Rose: Blanche, I didn't!
      Blanche: Oh, it's no problem, honey. It's just another letter from Merrill. I'd read it to you anyway. It's not personal.
      Dorothy: Not personal! Blanche, the man says he wants to lie naked with you on a beach.
      Blanche: Well, sure. And I wrote him that I wanted to make passionate love to him in a hammock suspended between two magnolia trees. You know that couldn't possibly happen!
      Rose: Well, maybe if you lose a few pounds.
      Blanche: [obviously miffed] Shut up, Rose.

    • Merrill: Oh Call me Moose, everybody back in prison always did.
      Sophia: What a coincidence! That was Dorothy's nickname in elementary school, remember Dorothy?
      Dorothy: No I don't.
      Sophia: Look, Moose.
      Merrill & Dorothy: What?

  • Notes

    • At the end of the episode, it is revealed that Dorothy used a St. Olaf story to get Mary back home. Obviously embarassed, she said "I was desperate!"

    • Julie McCullough is better known for her role as Mike Seaver's love interest on Growing Pains.

  • Allusions

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